advertisement
Question
Posted by: Fed Up | 2011/03/29

Very Demanding 16 year old

Doc please assist if anyone can even help. My girl is 16 years old and very demanding. It''''s her way or no way. Now I know it''''s the teenage hormones and all, but really I do not fall for that crap anymore. In Jan, she demanded we go for her ID, she turned 16 in Dec, I know we must do it, but it could have waited a month or so. Well we did it coz she can go on and on. She wanted a job, I managed to find her one, didn''''t like it and left coz that is not for her. No problem. We went to the mall near us and she found something else and training starts from today. But every time she had to go for interviews and all, she HAD to go with someone. Extra money we had to fork out coz they took the local taxis. Last night she said we must go drop her off this morning as she cannot go on her own and get in a taxi or even walk as it is very close to us. We only have one car and we still need to drop off my other child at the creche and me and hubby needs to get to work ON TIME. When we left her at the mall, she wanted us to drop her off further down the road coz IT IS STILL SO EARLY. Does not consider NO ONE ELSE. We were not early, in fact after we dropped her, we had to take an alternative route as the traffic was horrific. We were still on time for work, but everything is a issue with her. She back chats and when she is in the mood for her younger sister than it is fine, if she''''s not up to her, than her younger sister MUST STAY AWAY from her. There''''s days when she herself goes on like a baby, but when it suits her than she wants to be the adult. She stay''''s bored at home, but when I say get friends than they not her type. All over she goes, I must go with her. I understand we not living in the safest country, but heaven, when is she gonna learn and become independent. Besides all this, she always makes an issue out of everything. Even when we go shopping, she wants to stay in one isle for so long and when I call her, than it''''s a issue. In fact everything and I mean everything is such a big issue and when I talk, she tell me to chill and all that crap. I sometimes feel like killing her and I am very serious. Even when we give her chores, issue, her room looks like a pig sty. When we talk about it, WE MUST CHILL!! That''s all we must do it CHILL

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its really nothing to do with hormones, but a lack of an orderly and fairly applied, clear system of disciplinary rules.
Don't give in to her demands, she's behaving like a spoiled brat, and its best to nip this in the bud. Spoiling is a form of child abuse.
LET her "go on and on" and ignore it totally, making it clear that her nagging will be ignored and will not result in her getting what she wants. Between you two parents, draw up a list of simple rules of conduct and expectations, including chores to be done by her, and pleasant behaviour. Have a list of consequences ( not punishments ) for breaking the rules, including removing her access from whatever she most enjoys ( such as cellphone or TV access ) ; and a system of rewards for consistent good behaviour. And apply these rules impartially, with no exceptions, and in the same way by both of you.
Don't find her a job - that's HER task, and if she finds it she's less able to reject it frivolously. And remind her jobs are not expected to be fun, but actual work. Don't pay for someone to go to the mall with her or to job interviews. That;s something she WANTS, not something she NEEDS. If the job's within safe walking distance - let her walk.
Shecan only make issues out of things IF you allow her to do so. When she starts, just walk away and ignore her. If she has the cheek to tell you to chill, tell her you don't know how to - would she please demonstrate. FOr a month or two.
Room a pig-sty ? No food, no cell-phone, till it's tidy. Simple. It works




The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: Old School | 2011/03/29

This is not something that she has suddenly started at 16. She has been like this since the age of 2 or 3. It was happening albeit in a different form, but she was allowed to get away with it then. Maybe you thought it cute when she misbehaved, or you were erratic in disciplining her. And so it developed over the years and now you sit with a big problem. A child will instinctively push the envelope to see what they can get away with, they do it continually in many different forms, hammering away at you until they find a weakness and once they do they exploit it to the fullest. If you dont put a stop to it each and every time they get out of line, its not easy nor is it pleasant, but in the end you do not end up with a " difficult"  teenager.

Reply to Old School
Posted by: Lilly | 2011/03/29

Take a belt and beat the crap out of her and should she call the cops for you, give her another hiding. There''s an old saying - bend the tree while it''s still young - I don''t think you did a good job! Have a difficult teenager myself and have a lovely relationship with her ... but she knows where to draw the line and even admitted that she won''t cross certain lines as she knows what will happen to her! Beat her lady - that''s the only thing that will help!!!

Reply to Lilly
Posted by: Woman | 2011/03/29

Well, she sounds like a spoilt brat. She''s ordering you around and you''re just taking it! You need to take control of your daughter. It is your responsibility as a parent, and it doesn''t stop because she''s difficult.

Say no more often, stop talking about discipline, enforce it! Come up with a parenting plan between yourself and your husband, get a counselor to help if you don''t see eye to eye. YOU are the grown up, SHE is the child living in your house on your money.

And let her look for her own job (if she looses the new one) and make her own travel arrangements. By all means, take her places, but she still need to fit into her parent''s schedule. And she needs to think about the other people in her family too!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Been there | 2011/03/29

Teenagers behave as the parents allow, you are allowing this.
Can l suggest a fat klup!

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Lenyora | 2011/03/29

Lady you need to discipline your child, this is no one''s fault but yours, the thing is parents are the ones guided by children not the other way round these days which is wrong. stop making excuses of how everything is about her, take charge and remind her who is the parent here and stop letting a child to control you.

Reply to Lenyora
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/29

Its really nothing to do with hormones, but a lack of an orderly and fairly applied, clear system of disciplinary rules.
Don't give in to her demands, she's behaving like a spoiled brat, and its best to nip this in the bud. Spoiling is a form of child abuse.
LET her "go on and on" and ignore it totally, making it clear that her nagging will be ignored and will not result in her getting what she wants. Between you two parents, draw up a list of simple rules of conduct and expectations, including chores to be done by her, and pleasant behaviour. Have a list of consequences ( not punishments ) for breaking the rules, including removing her access from whatever she most enjoys ( such as cellphone or TV access ) ; and a system of rewards for consistent good behaviour. And apply these rules impartially, with no exceptions, and in the same way by both of you.
Don't find her a job - that's HER task, and if she finds it she's less able to reject it frivolously. And remind her jobs are not expected to be fun, but actual work. Don't pay for someone to go to the mall with her or to job interviews. That;s something she WANTS, not something she NEEDS. If the job's within safe walking distance - let her walk.
Shecan only make issues out of things IF you allow her to do so. When she starts, just walk away and ignore her. If she has the cheek to tell you to chill, tell her you don't know how to - would she please demonstrate. FOr a month or two.
Room a pig-sty ? No food, no cell-phone, till it's tidy. Simple. It works




Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement