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Question
Posted by: in need of help | 2012/01/20

verge of divorce

To

My husband and I have been married for some time but I am at the point of giving up on my marriage… . When I come home at night we don’ t even kiss each other , I used to make an effort to go up to him and kiss him when I got home or when he got home and before we go to bed. One day I thought to myself…  don’ t, go and greet him first see what happens when you stop…  see if he will bother making the effort. Well he didn’ t so now we don’ t greet. Its kind of a halfhearted hello.

When I phone him during he doesn’ t answer my calls and doesn’ t bother to phone me back or ask at home why I had called. If I go to the Dr… he never asks why what’ s wrong am I ok. Nothing! When I try telling him about things he rushes me and tells me to get to the point.

My children try to talk to him after school and he tells them to wait he is busy, then he is not busy he is watching tv or playing pc games. He huffs when a friend comes to us but if his male friends come round he doesn’ t bother telling me until 5 min before they walk in the door.
He wants “ sex”  however he never holds me or gives me any affection until he wants that. When I get to bed he turns his back but when he wants sex he’ ll face me and ask????

I feel like I irritate him… .. this is the just of things I don’ t know what to do anymore

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The effort shouldn't need to be all on your part.
YOu may want to give him an ultimatum - that he join you, for as long as it takes, sincerely participating in marriage counselling, or you will consider seeing a lawyer and investigate divorce. His behaviour is selfish and inappropriate for a husband and father.
And of course the ancient Greeks originated a treatment for dealing with the sexual selfishness, when Lysistrata persuaded the other women to refuse to have sex with their husbands until thy changed their ways.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: M | 2012/01/22

Start building up a network of friends, get hobbies, go out and get your family more involved with your kids. Once he sees that you have no purpose for him, he might start realising that you have no use for him and that the family is quite capable of surviving without him. My husband was like that, I got my brother to do " fatherly"  things, started going out and remained polite to my husband, He felt left out and scared that I am phasing him out of our lives. He now seems more interested in the kids and me, which save him from getting divorced! Dont put up with that crap dear, sort him out, find a strategy that works by giving him a chance to see what he will miss out on once it becomes official. When they see you can cope without them, they worry. Unless of course, there is someone else....

Reply to M
Posted by: XXX | 2012/01/20

He appears to very selfish &  certainly is not putting anything into the marriage-in fact he is using you.
I would suggest you both see a marriage counsellor as you cannot go on like this.
It amazes me how many people think that they don''t have to try in a relationship.CRAZY

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/20

The effort shouldn't need to be all on your part.
YOu may want to give him an ultimatum - that he join you, for as long as it takes, sincerely participating in marriage counselling, or you will consider seeing a lawyer and investigate divorce. His behaviour is selfish and inappropriate for a husband and father.
And of course the ancient Greeks originated a treatment for dealing with the sexual selfishness, when Lysistrata persuaded the other women to refuse to have sex with their husbands until thy changed their ways.

Reply to cybershrink

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