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Question
Posted by: Ash | 2010/11/05

Verbal abuse?

I have been married 35 years. My husband is quite an aggressive person, more a grumbler, but over the years HAS improved. He does have one habit that is very hard for me to bear. I have quite a lot of freedom to go shopping, visit friends, do this do that. I dont have to account for spending etc, BUT, if ever I slip up on something of his... like his 2nd cup of coffee in the morning or forgetting to buy something he asked for, he makes life really difficult for me. He behaves like a real spoilt child. goes on and on, will say, now he cant eat because there no tomato sauce as he asked etc. When we start arguing about it, he will call me names like whore, slut, bitch, I just stay calm and try to show him how disgusting his behaviour is. Why dont I cry anymore when he calls me these names?, lately after it happened I went into the bathroom and hit myself through my face over and over. I felt like I could really just slit my throat as punishment to myself for allowing him to call me these names. I am starting to hate myself for allowing this. Is it really so bad, for him to do this??? I just dont know anymore. Please help, we are supposed to be christians and are really quite normal people. I feel so sad today.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As a citizen of a democracy you shopuld always have TOTAL freedom to come and go as you please - it's not gracious of him togrant you some freedoms - they don't belong to him. He seems tom confuse marriage with slavery. Nobody who understands Christianity and calls himself a Christian, could or should behave like that.
But stop blaming and punishing yourself - he is an abuser. And when he calls you bad names, he only proves his own badness. Contact a group like POWA which helps abused women with support and advice and protection when they need it

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: booboo | 2010/11/05

dont feel sad it will get better!

Reply to booboo
Posted by: Bad | 2010/11/05

Man o man - shave his hair off when he is asleep.... he he

the abusing freak

you take it out on yourself cause you keep these feeling inside and its destroying you - you have to speak to someone - get the poison out of your body.

Bloody bastard

Reply to Bad
Posted by: XXX | 2010/11/05

Firstly,he cannot be called a Christian if he treats you like this.You must get yourself worked up as you are not at fault.
You need to talk to him and explain your concerns.If this does not help then you both need to go to a marriage counsellor.
It appears to me that after many years together that he uses you.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/05

As a citizen of a democracy you shopuld always have TOTAL freedom to come and go as you please - it's not gracious of him togrant you some freedoms - they don't belong to him. He seems tom confuse marriage with slavery. Nobody who understands Christianity and calls himself a Christian, could or should behave like that.
But stop blaming and punishing yourself - he is an abuser. And when he calls you bad names, he only proves his own badness. Contact a group like POWA which helps abused women with support and advice and protection when they need it

Reply to cybershrink

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