Expert's Reply

A.

Sexologist

This must be distressing for you. You mention that you experience pain 'like friction' and it seems that you have tried to use a lubricant and that you have an awareness of vaginismus. Eventhough you can insert a finger or a tampon, you may be anticipating pain on penetration and this may result in the muscles which surround the vagina to tighten subconsciously. It may be helpful to practice what are know as Kegel's Exercises. You do this by tightening the muscles which you would use if you were to stop doing a wee. Hold these muscles and then relax them. This will help you identify the muscles which surround the vagina and which you would want to relax when penetration is attempted. You can do this tightening and relaxing with your own finger inserted. This will help you to feel when the muscles are tight and when they are relaxed. Once you are able to insert one finger, you should try to insert two. When this is confortable for you, you may want to try with his penis. It is advisable to try this once aroused so that you are lubricated or wet (you can also use more lubrication) and you should sit astride his pelvis resting on your knees. You are then more in control and can gently guide his penis inside you while you consciously relax the muscles around the vagina which may involve bearing down a bit. You should go at your own pace and he should just be passive and no thrusting should take place until you are comfortable. If you attempt all of this and you are unsuccessful, it may be a good idea to have an examination by a medical doctor to rule out infection or another cause for the pain you feel. For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com