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Question
Posted by: me72 | 2008/10/15

Use of drugs this weekend??

My girlfriend' s brother has been staying with us for over two months now and he is leaving to go overseas soon (in a weeks time) - (I am so happy that he will be gone) now my girlfriends want to throw him a go away party at our house. Now the problem is he is 10 years younger then me and him and his little friends irritate me so so much, but the worst is they don' t party untill a reasonable time they will party for two days none stop because someone will say lets go and get some " drugs" . I don t like the use of drugs in my house and can easy say that I don' t like that and they should stop, but the problem comes in with my girlfriend....she likes drugs too only on a occasions though and doesn' t mind it at all, (she claims that she has free' ed her mind about drugs and they not that bad " NOT" )because she would probably take too when they get some. Now two days ago I told her how I feel about this party and that it must just stay normal and " NO"  drugs please.....she got upset with me and started moaning at me for being such a -|- and I am trying to be boreing and life needs to be fun and exiting. And who I am to tell my brother and his friends to stop if that makes them feel happy? Its not like they are hurting anyone? The other problem is I never liked drugs nor used them before I met my girlfriend and tried it a couple times with her, but realized drugs is not for me and I don' t want to take anymore........Now she makes me feel bad about the party because it is her brothers last week before he leaves for overseas and she might not see him again for a long time and I should just relax and get over myself and let them do what ever they want to do. And ontop of that even if I might get tired and want to go and sleep at a respectable time, I am not allowed too because I will just be a bad host and rude to do something like that if I should ever consider going to bed 2 or 3 am. Am I wrong for being worried? And upset about the whole party thing this weekend?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It's your house, so if you don't want drug use there --- that's that. You may tactfully remind her that someone might call the police if you notice drug use, which is NOT a compulsory part of any normal party --- and that any such trouble for her kid brother might screw up his plans to go overseas. Its not depriving the little twerp of anything valuable --- and there are drugs enough in most other countries to keep him fully occupied there. It is the kid who needs to get over himself, and perhaps your gf too, not you. Good guests follow their host's lead, and don't expect to compel him to adopt to their ways. If they don't like the rules of YOUR home, they can hire somewhere else for their party --- and they'll soon find nother venues have rules, too. Do none of his furry little friends have a home where the party could be held ?
And as JOoo says, why would you want to consider marrying such an inconsioderate and hedonistic, silly woman ? You say you love her, but nothing you describe i at all loveable.
As Tango says, you are being --- I would say TOO tolerant. It is NOT being a cool guy to let her and her kid brother walk all over you. That is definitively NOT cool. THEy are being selfish, YOU are being adult. Your concerns ae NOT dumb --- her flashy and suspiciously well-practised argguments ARE dumb. Nothing whatever mad about your thoughts of approaching the police and setting up a raid if the drug use emerges.
Re-Read the constitution --- there is no basic human right to take drugs or to drink oneself senseless.

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Our users say:
Posted by: aNNa | 2008/10/16

I always get here after the fact, but there is something that you CAN say to someone that has a very convincing argument:

" Babe - how do you think this makes ME feel?" 

She' ll say all the same stuff about being cool and liberal and just one more time - you answer:

" I understand, you' ve told me all that - how do you think this makes ME feel?" 

You may have to ask three times, but it will get her to at least THINK about your feelings in your own home. Then you can discuss a compromise that at least gives you some respect. Let us know what happens.

Reply to aNNa
Posted by: Ja | 2008/10/16

And someone takes a dud.... or too much...... or freaks out..... , guess who will be the only sober one having to deal with a bunch of confused, incapable druggies???? - YOU!!!!

" Wow what a trip! - its not a trip dude, youre dying!" 

What a bunch of idiots!

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Me72 | 2008/10/15

Thanks so much Cybershrink. And yes I have came to that point where I have realized that maybe the problem is not me but her......I am not going to blame the brother seeing that he will be leaving soon anyway, but yes I think she acts to intelligent sometimes........and tries to beat me with her cleaver way of argueing..........Well hey thanks to all I just wanted to know get some info and I just wanted to know if I am wrong or not.

Thanks to all !!!!

Reply to Me72
Posted by: Me72 | 2008/10/15

I thought about going out, but they don' t want to drink and drive and get caught........They rather just want to do there thing and pass out where ever...........It makes me feel like my house is used as a safe haven for druggies using it recreationally now and again, but still it upset me so so much. I have even thought of going to the police and talk to someone and when they do bring drugs or start sniffying the stuff, I will sms them and they must come and say that they got a call for disturbing the nabour hood and then just see that we are having a party and scare them, but I am affraid of that too.....how MAD is that hey?

Reply to Me72
Posted by: Janet | 2008/10/15

I am also very against drungs, so I understand you totally.

Why not let them have a pre-drinks type thing at your house and then go out somewhere to party when they' re done. You need to speak to your gf about her taking drugs. I could never be in a relationship with someone who I knew was using. Even recreationally.

Reply to Janet
Posted by: Me72 | 2008/10/15

She claims she does " Love me"  but before I met her she use to party alot with her friends (she is a Natal girl) and she always said that going to the beach with friends and having a good time was one of her most enjoyable times that she ever had, and she also went to the UK and worked there for 3 years and that is where she was exposed to drugs and bad friends, and now that she is back she says that she is very libaral about it. I asked her would you ever tell your own kids not to use drugs and she replied by saying " no-one can stop anyone" . Please understand she argues very well and everything she says always sound better than what I see things, and most of the times I feel like what ever I am feeling is just dumb because she always gets it right to confince me otherwise, but anyway enough of that, yes she says she loves me and I know I love her.

Reply to Me72
Posted by: Tango | 2008/10/15

I understand where you coming from, but your are been forced by two selfish people to go against everything you believe in. That will make you one very unhappy man. You are not been cool or with it by agreeing to drugs, they need to understand they are been so uncool actually. Is there no one else on the same page as you that can offer you some support. Yes you love her, but I honestly think you need to really look long and hard at that too, does she have the values you enspouse too?

Reply to Tango
Posted by: me72 | 2008/10/15

Thanks Tango and Joo, for all your comments. It is just not that easy, because I really love the woman. About 20min ago we spoke again and she said that I must just please let them have there last party and when her brother leaves then everything will be back to normal, but still what to do?? I want to be a cool guy and not seem like a party pooper and I want her to think I am forgiving and a nice guy, but it is almost as if I am slowly but surely forced to rather be happy about it than upset? And I am scared of saying no to her and her brother because I don' t want them not to like me, does this make sense.?????

Reply to me72
Posted by: Tango | 2008/10/15

You have every right to refuse to have drugs in your home. Apart from the fact they are illegal substances and the police could arrive, someone could get ill, overdose and be seriously injured in the act.

I think your girlfriends attitude needs an adjustment as well. You are very tolerant arn' t you?

Why not have the party elsewhere and not use your home? That way you do not become responsible for what happens in your house and you can leave when you want - that is when people are freaking out and or puking all over the place.

Reply to Tango
Posted by: Jooo | 2008/10/15

And u are going to marry that kind of a woman,share the rest of ur life with her?She seems like a controllong freak who has no respect for u at all.

Tell them to book a place somewhere or ull call the cops.U need to put ur foot down on this,ur the man of that house after all.

Shooooo talk abt women controlling their men!!!

Reply to Jooo

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