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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/18

Urgent help please

I need to have the father of my baby sign over all responsiblility and rights to me. He is not fit to be a dad and I don'  t want him involved. I don'  t want him to show up in six years time and want to be involved. Feels like I'  m living with a ticking time bomb. I'  m nearly six months pregnant and he has never been there, I never hear from him, he left me after he found out that I had fallen pregnant. He accused me of not even being pregnant and after a couple of weeks made up horrible stories making it sound as if the baby could be anyone else'  s. I don'  t sleep around. Has anyone had to do this?

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Our expert says:
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You need legal advice. Generally a court like a Magistrate's COurt would de ide issues of custody and access, after hearing from both sides. Single mom sounds as though she knows what she's talking about.

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Our users say:
Posted by: DINEO | 2008/11/18

Darkie bra I agree with you.

Reply to DINEO
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/18

Saw my attorney this morning. I can'  t ask the father to sign off his rights. The new law does not allow it and also allows the father the same rights as the mother. Guess I'  ll have to wait for him to make the first move and then defend and fight with all I'  ve got.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Darkie bra | 2008/11/18

well I agree with u leave the idiot ASAP. jokes are not on you .u went by faith .u only get to realy know a person after spending time with them. In my language (setwana ) we say " Motho ga a itsewe e se naga" . basically it mean
you can never claim to completely know a person
wish u all the best with your pregnancy

Reply to Darkie bra
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/18

Darkie bra, how do I know he' s unfit? Well, let' s see. He is 39 years old and has a son from a previous marriage, which I found out later he can hardly take care of, so that rules out being afraid of parenthood. He' s a compulsive liar and makes up stories to make him look good and responsible. I gave him a chance because it seemed he had turned his life around. Guess not because as soon as I told him about the pregnancy he started drinking heavily, so it seems he' s an alcoholic as well, he never told his family about the baby. He accused me of pretending to be pregnant to fool him into marriage and after that he made me out to be a whore. Turning your back on someone you claimed to love in pregnancy might not be an issue for a man, but in my opinion that says it all. So, he' s not fit to be a husband, let alone a father. I won' t have my daughter know that she has a drunk, insecure, 39 year old child for a father. The jokes on me for getting involved with such a louse. My good hearted and lovingly gullible nature has landed me in a dilemma, but I love my unborn baby and will give her everything. I have a wonderful family who accepted him and he threw that love and acceptance in their faces. No ways, he has crossed the line and will not be able to fix it. He got his 100th chance in life and screwed that up as well.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: darkie bra | 2008/11/18

Anon i would like to ask a questions. how do u dertemine if he is unfit to de a dad when u stil pragnant
.dont get me wrong some guys are. all he has failed for now is to be a supporting partner through this.some guy are terrified of parenthood at first its a shocker the deal with it in their ways
be careful there will be achild involved here
I have seen it many a times when some ladies teach a child how useless a ' father is"  when thats all he was even before they slept with them
yes forget about him takecare of yourself and the child
he might grow up sooneer or later he will always be the father of the child .dont condem him forver.
from a guys point of view I have seen guys recover from such stupid and childish beahviours some never did
only time will tell.

Reply to darkie bra
Posted by: Soul | 2008/11/18

My l/o is 5 yrs old the last time he saw his " father"  he was 13 months old. He wants nothing to do with my child shows no interest and no contact. We were involved when he found out I was preganant he told me to go for an abortion I refused to. I left and have never looked back.

My l/o is loving life and living to the fullest. His never asked about his " father" . My family love and adores my l/o he can' t want for anything.

His a drug addict and he loves his drink too much. I don' t want my child being around someone like that, his much better off without him.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/18

What happened Soul?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/18

Single mom, what if he shows up 3/4 years later and demands a dna test. I want to avoid that, by then I want papers to show that he has no right what so ever.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Soul | 2008/11/18

As long as you can give your baby everything she needs then i would suggest do it. The biggest mistake I made was when I registered my son I put his fathers details down and so wished I had put father unknown.
I agree with Single Mom, I would certainly try that.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/18

No, hardly knew him when we started planning our life (and our baby) together. Naive, I agree. He lives in a town 300/400km from where I stay. I can give my baby everything she needs.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Single mom | 2008/11/18

If you are not married to him, when you register you baby at home affairs by the fathers details put there father unknown this is one step in the dirwction you' re looking for. Should you later in years to come decide to get married it will also make it easier for the man you marry to adopt your child that' s if you both want that.

I know this sounds cruel but considering that you want him to have nothing to do with your baby let him believe that his not the father of your child let him believe that the child is anothers.

Reply to Single mom
Posted by: anon2 | 2008/11/18

I went through exactly the same thing, found out I was pregnant and the father begged me to go for an abortion, I refused and he disapeared. never heard of him since. went to court for custody, and the day before the hearing, they phoned and said he had sold his home,car and everything else, and quit his job and disappeared!!! she is now 13, she has my husband surname, knows about him, but want nothing to do with him.... and yes, he also told me that it could be anybodys baby, so I know how you are feeling but I never did get him to sign over all responsibility, and he has never bothered with her, suppose he is more spineless that I thought.. Good luck!!

Reply to anon2
Posted by: Soul | 2008/11/18

I know exactly how you feel. Are you married to him?

Reply to Soul

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