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Question
Posted by: L | 2011/10/13

Upset

Hi, I have a problem where I don’ t want to see a certain person but this person is related to my Fiancé  and basically the only family he has that lives nearby. This person has up stetted me in a way that has really hurt me a lot. I usually don’ t keep a grudge or stay cross for long but I just can’ t seem to shake this feeling I have towards this person. My fiancé  says I should just get over it, but I don’ t know how I can. I just don’ t want to spend any time around this person.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The English used to have an old folk saying we maybe need to remember : Love Me, Love My Dog.
Check the discussion earlier this week about people who start a relationship with someone but expect them to then ignore their own children )
People come as a package deal, and its just not reasonable to expect them to adore you, but cut off contact with their children, their relatives or their pets,in favour of you. Accwept the package, or look for one that suits you better.
Maybe a counsellor could help you to better understand how you have allowed this person to upset you quite so deeply, and why you seem to find it so difficult to move on rather than remaining stuck in resentment at whatever they did or said. You need to tolerate them politely, its not essential to love them.
smile and wave, indeed !

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: MJ | 2011/10/13

sorry huny. situations like these are so hard, i have found myself in the same situation. the best way to deal with it,is to close your eyes, clear your heart and let it go. you have to be the bigger person for your relationship with your fiancé . if what his friend has done to you is beyond forgiving, speak to your fiancé  honestly without getting emotional about it, let him know how your feel and why. maybe if the 3 of you can speak calmly about it and you can all have a better understanding of how everyone feels so you can all be more sensitive towards each other and not step on each other''s toes.
be stong hun and most of all, remain calm.
no one can upset you unless you allow them to.
much love

Reply to MJ
Posted by: yup | 2011/10/13

smile and wave

Reply to yup
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/13

The English used to have an old folk saying we maybe need to remember : Love Me, Love My Dog.
Check the discussion earlier this week about people who start a relationship with someone but expect them to then ignore their own children )
People come as a package deal, and its just not reasonable to expect them to adore you, but cut off contact with their children, their relatives or their pets,in favour of you. Accwept the package, or look for one that suits you better.
Maybe a counsellor could help you to better understand how you have allowed this person to upset you quite so deeply, and why you seem to find it so difficult to move on rather than remaining stuck in resentment at whatever they did or said. You need to tolerate them politely, its not essential to love them.
smile and wave, indeed !

Reply to cybershrink

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