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Question
Posted by: Elle | 2011-12-01

Up to smoke

Good afternoon

I have a bit of an issue with my husband who stopped smonking about 5 months ago. Although I''m very happy he made the decision and I try to support him, it has become increasingly difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. I understand that it is very traumatic for people when they stop smoking and I understand that he is going through a difficult time, but he is very aggressive. I can''t think of one conversation that we tried to have the last couple of months where he doesn''t just loose the plot and starts attacking who ever, in the conversation. I really try to avoid (and obviously it is completely impossible) any conversations. He also lashes out at the kids at completely the wrong time.

He also has work stress, but then we all do, and I''m just wondering, is he ever going to get over it? Not the wanting to smoke and all that, but go back to being the kind and soft spoken person that I have known?

He makes comments like: maybe I should just kill myself. Although, all his life he said that depressed people should just snap out it and suicidal people are selfish. He doesnt go on about it, but I''m starting to think that he is really depressed. But how do I help him? I''m 100% sure that he will not take any medication. Should I just go buy him a pack of sigarettes? Healthwise it is obviously the worst thing, but if he feels better??

Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

No, it is NEVER EVER "traumatic", in the prper meaning of traumatic, for someone to give up smoking. It can of course be unpleasant for them, and they may be irritable at times.
From the sound of it, he shouldn't be doing this on his own, and should seek expert advice and assistance to come of the nicotine addiction more smoothly and without this unpleasant irritability. And the more sinister mentioning of suicidal thoughts, sufggesting a significant element of depression, too.
Its so sad that some people so foolishly rule out the possibility of using meds - they'd not refuse a bandage if they got cut, or plaster of paris if they broke a leg. Try to persuade him to see a doctor, even a shrink, for proper expert advice. There are meds, and things like nicotine patches, which can make it much easier to give up smoking without all these unpleasant effects

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Mahomed | 2011-12-02

Hello Elle,

I am sorry to hear your situation, but I believe that there is more to it than just because of giving up smoking. As the doctor states there is a possibility of underlying depression. The man seriously needs to talk to someone / confide in someone he can trust. Are you that person? Odd question:)? You should be. Look into yourself as well. Sometimes when married for some time, couples tend to start taking one another for granted. Perhaps there is a problem between the two of you, that he finds difficult to talk to you about. BUT when anyone talks SUICIDE it gets me real worried ''cos the next thing you hear is that the person has done just that - COMMITED SUICIDE. It happened to two friends of mine. I spotted it and questioned them, and they denied that something was bothering them. I should not have left it at that. Had I only been more persistant, perhaps they would still be alive.

Reply to Mahomed
Posted by: B | 2011-12-01

Get that electronic cigarette, works for me

Reply to B
Posted by: Charlotte | 2011-12-01

It is very difficult to give up smoking I agree, but if my son could give up a 10year heroin addiction so can your hubby give up smoking BUT he needs a bit of help, what about nicotine patches, or even to see a doc, I hear what you say that he won''t take any meds but honestly he is a mature man and should know that it can help him and I am sure with your support he will def win this!! No please do not go buy him a pack of cigarettes, that is not the solution. My son had to use all the help he could get including jail time(tough love), rehabs, lots and lots of meds and most of all his parents, family and the best psyciatrist in the country, he is clean now for 6 years, married and has a full time proper job, house, car etc. C''mon you guys can get through this - ok? Good luck!

Reply to Charlotte
Posted by: Roommate | 2011-12-01

It is EXTREMELY traumatic to give up smoking. At least it was/is for me.
Let him smoke. It is not as if the gasses en fumes and emissions around us is any better than cigarette smoke.
My opinion.

Reply to Roommate
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-12-01

No, it is NEVER EVER "traumatic", in the prper meaning of traumatic, for someone to give up smoking. It can of course be unpleasant for them, and they may be irritable at times.
From the sound of it, he shouldn't be doing this on his own, and should seek expert advice and assistance to come of the nicotine addiction more smoothly and without this unpleasant irritability. And the more sinister mentioning of suicidal thoughts, sufggesting a significant element of depression, too.
Its so sad that some people so foolishly rule out the possibility of using meds - they'd not refuse a bandage if they got cut, or plaster of paris if they broke a leg. Try to persuade him to see a doctor, even a shrink, for proper expert advice. There are meds, and things like nicotine patches, which can make it much easier to give up smoking without all these unpleasant effects

Reply to cybershrink

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