Posted by: Mark Nos | 2009-07-01

unwanted pregnancy

Further to my story at number 4738, posted on 30/06/09, I would like to thank the expert and other contributors. To reply to some comments made by readers in this comment, I said I wouldn'  t want to go into much details re the circumstances that led to this pregnancy. Nevertheless, in a bid to substantiate my argument, I feel betrayed by this woman, firstly she told me she is unable to have kids, she'  d consulted a gynea not long ago before I met her and the expert confirmed she had growth that prevented her from falling pregnant. I did not buy this, every time after intercourse we took necessary precaution to avoid pregnacy, under my supervision of course. But as time progressed, I fell for her trap, I began trusting her to do the right thing and take precautionary measures to avoid any unwanted pregenacy. All along I was under the impression that she did exactly as expected of her.

She has mentioned previously, in passing, the fact that she would like to bear me a child. We had discussed this extensively, I have made it clear previously that I'  m not in a position to have a kid at this stage, a time will come and when that happens we will engage in that regard. I am not pointing fingers at any one, but feel betrayed by her conduct. To make my suspicions even stronger, she sent me a mail this morning insisting that I deposit the cash to terminate into her bank account for her to facilitate the termination, but when I suggested that she go ahead with the arrangements and I' ll only come in to pay, everything changed, she no longer wanted to go and terminate. I do not want to rely on speculation but feel this woman is playing some sick game on me and it affects me negatively, personally and professionally.

I have a feeling she needs cash urgently and feels she can get it easy on me, I was contemplating depositing the necessary cash into her account and thought for a second that won'  t help. I have no time for this, every time I propose we meet eye to eye to sort this mess out, she blatantly refuses, I mean she would give me some stupid excuse for me not to see her. this really frustrates me and I just wish I can wake up one day and it'  s all over. She'  s pathetic, knowing the person she is, I never thought she'  ll stoop that low to get what she wants. I have a strong feeling that she'  s not pregnant but at the same time I fear relying on assumptions and find out later that she is pregnant and I'  d regret not being too firm on unbundling this whole mess.

On a serious note, I woul appreciate frank and positive remarks and suggestions on how to tackle this predicament. I just can'  t take it anymore, it affects me badly and I can'  t think of anything else than this. I even had a psychotherapic session to open up to a professional, someone who doesn'  t know me and won'  t be judgemental, someone who'  ll tell me the truth, I don'  t want someone to protect me, I want someone to tell me as he/she sees things and not what I want to hear. It'  s not gonna do me any favour.

Warm regards

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Our expert says:
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The situation you describe does indeed sound rather fishy, especially thins like her wanting money for a termination to be paid into her account, but not for you to pay it directly to the doctors and clinics involved. It does sound as though there may have been elements of entrapment, and deception in what happened.
Surely a termination is a very sad decision to make, and is not about cash. Indeed, can it not be arranged at a state clinic without the costs of a private procedure ? Not that I am recommending that, but to emphasize that it isn't about money being paid into accounts, but about the sad ending of a potential life.
Why not expres concern over her health and that she should be properly cared for, and ask to go with her and meet her gynae, discuss the pregnancy and the options with the doctor and her, and make sure you are both making the best decision ? A genuinely pregnant woman would have no good reason to refuse that.
If she is truthful, you are the father of the foetus, and have every right and reason to be concerned and involved in the process and the decisions. I understand your concern that she may either not be pregnant and trying to extort money for a non-existent termination, perhaps as plan B from a failed attempt to claim pregnancy and persuade you to marry her. If money were not part of the equation, would either of you have been reacting differently ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: D | 2009-07-02

If she is pregnant, I would suggest a DNA test first!
And please get some legal help on this matter, this is actually what you need.

Good Luck

Reply to D
Posted by: Anon | 2009-07-02

u realy are frustrated

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Mark Nos | 2009-07-02

Guys if you don' t have any positive feedback to give, I suggest you keep your thoughts to your self. Portia, I advice you to read carefully before you give out an uninformed opinion, who said anything about not knowing where she stays or work. I have made it clear that I request positive feedback, by positive feedback I don' t mean what I want to hear, but what could possibly be of any assistance in going forward. You and Latoya should rather refrain from making comments that won' t take me anywhere.

There are plenty of things you can do with your time if you' re bored, I don' t have time to reply to your comments, do me a favour and refrain from commenting to a story which I posted and have trouble dealing with in reality. I wonder how you deal with your own personal dilemmas, perhaps your worst enemy is being judgemental in your own crisis.

I suggest you just stay out of this, this is not some teenage forum where we could fight about some trivial stuff. Not a personal attack but would appreciate if you' d stay out of this if you have nothing constructive to say.

Reply to Mark Nos
Posted by: Portia | 2009-07-02

Been there, taking responsibility by wanting someone to terminate the pregnancy and killing a soul...I alos want to know, why is he so against having this child?

Maybe she was telling the truth that the doctors said she cant have kids, but miracles happen...and even some people who take pills sometimes do find themselves pregnant...

Mark Nos, you dont even know where she works and stay? thats real strange!!! so you were sleeping with someone without protection and you know nothing about them? very strange!!

Reply to Portia
Posted by: Been there | 2009-07-01

Latoya, don' t be so hard on someone when you dont know the circumstances. If you had any kind of empathy in you, you would pick up that this man is really earnest. In a way he is till taking responsibility but the woman is avoiding him at all costs. Sounds fishy to me!

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Latoya | 2009-07-01

What is it that makes you so anxious about not wanting a baby, are you married, or what? i am glad you have learnt a lesson, the hard way. Never ever sleep with someone without protection if you don' t want a child.

Reply to Latoya
Posted by: anon | 2009-07-01

sounds like fatal attraction or something, maybe this woman is a psycho..playing mind games about this type of thing is very strange.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Mark Nos | 2009-07-01

I can' t exactly put my fingers on her motives, but certainly they are ulteior in nature. She has staged this to perfection, it' s something that has been going on for close to a month now and I tried dealing with it on my own and finally decided I can' t take it on my own, hence why I' m typing this comment to you. At times she would tell me she didn' t go to work as she was feeling nauseosus and vomiting, at this stage I thought indeed something was wrong, but now when I connect all the dots, it gives me a strong sense of suspicion.

I honestly do not belive a woman who has to worry about whether to keep or terminate pregnancy has time to think about going to the " Durban July" , I mean it just doesn' t jell in. I have previously deposited money into her account for her to go to a private doctor and get tested, I topped up the amount to enable her to get a print out of the scan, which she never did. She later turned that against me to tell me if I want my money back she' ll return it and I tried to show her it' s not about returning the money but it has to do with requesting a scan for me to see. It seems anything that could prove pregnancy which I could get my hands on, she wants to keep it as far as possible from me.

That is why I say that knowing the person she is, I never thought she would stoop that low to such standards. Every second that passes by I am becoming convinced that she' s not pregnant, but only if I could get my hands on evidence to this fact, I would have peace of mind. She prevents me in every possible way to see her, I don' t have any one close to her whom I can contact and enquire of her state of being.

I so wish that she' s not pregnant, I would forget about this whole thing and get on with my life, I won' t do anything to her, only if she can come clean. I would lay this matter to rest, it' s just not worth pursuing it further, it' s a lesson in my life, I' ll never go that route again.

Reply to Mark Nos

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