Posted by: Mark Nos | 2009-06-30

Unwanted pregnancy

I am a male person who impregnated someone, this was not my wish and there are other factors which I would not delve too much into for purposes of this comment. We both agreed to terminate, but I doubt if the other party really wants this, I have commited to bearing the costs but obviously it' s her right to do so and I can' t force her. I am in no position to accept this situation and have made it clear to her, it seems her mom is aware of this, which would make it a lot difficult to go through with the termination. My main concern is termination is only possible, legally, at the discretion of the mother to be until 3 months. she tells me she' s about 2 months'  pregnant, when I request print out of a scan, I don' t get it, when I request to meet her face to face and discuss this, she refuses. what should I think, is she playing a sick game on me or is she really pregnant. I have made her aware of the remifications this would have on my life, I don' t know what to believe and how to handle this. I am in desperate need of professional advice on how to deal with this, I concede there' s no easy way out but anxiety is killing me. I would appreciate your frank remarks and opinion in this regard.

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Our expert says:
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The issue of terminaton will ultimately be decided by her, taking her mother's views, and yours, into account.
I understand your concerns. If she is not co-operative, it is hard to be sure whether or not she is pregnant, but faking a pregnancy would be an odd thing for her to do with no obvious benefits. You may benefit from getting some legal advice on your rights in this sort of situation.
What hekpful thoughts do other readers have ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mark Nos | 2009-07-01

Thanks for your contributions everyone, as I said I wouldn' t want to into details re the circumstances that led to this pregnancy. Nevertheless, in a bid to substantiate my argument, I feel betrayed by this woman, firstly she told me she is unable to have kids, she' d consulted with a gynea and the expert confirmed she had growth that prevented her from falling pregnant. I did not buy this, every time after intercourse we took necessary precaution to avoid pregnacy, under my supervision. But as time progressed, I fell for her trap, I began trusting her to do the right thing and take precautionary measures to avoid any unwanted pregenacy. All along I was under the impression that she did exactly as expected of her.

she has mentioned, in passing, the fact that she would like to bear me a child. We had discussed this extensively, I have made it clear previously that I' m not in a position to have a kid at this stage, a time will come and when that happens we will engage in that regard. I am not pointing fingers at any one, but feel betrayed by her conduct. To make my suspicions even stronger, she sent me a mail this morning insisting that I deposit the cash to terminate into her bank account for her to ficilitate the termination, but when I suggested that she go ahead with everything and I will settle the bill with the service provider everything changed, she no longer wanted to go and terminate. I do not want to rely on speculation but feel this woman is playing some sick game on me and it affects me negatively, personally and professionally.

i have a feeling she needs cash urgently and feels she can get it easy on me, I was contemplating depositing the necessaryb cash into her account and thought for a second that won' t help. I have no time for this, every time I propose we meet eye to eye to sort this mess out, she blatantly refuses, I mean she would give me some stupid excuse for me not to see her. this really frustrates me and I just wish I can wake up one day and it' s all over. She' s pathetic, knowing the person she is, I never thought she' ll stoop that low to get what she wants. I have a strong feeling that she' s not pregnant but at the same time I fear relying on assumptions and find out later that she is pregnant and I' d regret not being too firm on unbundling this whole mess.

On a serious note, I woul appreciate frank and positive remarks and suggestions on how to tackle this predicament. I just can' t take it anymore, it affects me badly and I can' t think of anything else than this. I even had a psychotherapic session to open up to a professional, someone who doesn' t know me and won' t be judgemental, someone who' ll tell me the truth, I don' t want someone to protect me, I want someone to tell me as he/she sees things and not what I want to hear. It' s not gonna do me any favour.

Warm regards

Reply to Mark Nos
Posted by: Latoya | 2009-06-30

I cannot believe that people are still sleeping without protection, at this day and age, you of all people had 2 reasons to use protection:
1. you knew you didn' t want a child, or should i say you didn' t want a child with the woman in question, we obviously don' t know why, because you haven' t stated your reasons
2. you are not even afraid you might contract viruses/diseases

I am one of the many people who are against abortion, it is sad to kill an innocent creature, when a lot of people are trying to get babies.
I can make you an offer, of taking the child to raise her/him as my own, if we can get into some sort of agreement.
Let me know if this will make you feel better, but hey wait a bit, it is not up to you, its up to the mother, let her know that i can take the baby and raise her, since i have been trying to adopt and i going through a long process, having to wait for 2 years before i can get the child.

Reply to Latoya
Posted by: MM | 2009-06-30

You sound very cold...when you say you impregnated her. She is carrying a child, which you fathered. Take responsibility...and I dont mean by saying " I will pay for it to be removed"  - to say this to a woman who is pregnant with your child is very hurtful. I am sure she did not imagine her life this way either - That is probably the reason why she is not making contact with you - you are just hurting her...its her body that will change forever - no matter what she does from here on, she will always have a child with her... that she has to care for. Its hard telling a woman to kill her own child, she might not be able to be a mother again.

Reply to MM

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