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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010-02-17

Unsure

I recently started dating a guy who works 7 days a week and I generally see him twice a week. He tells me that when he works I should stay in my flat because he doesnt want me walking around. He is very jealous and lately I noticed that he is becoming a bit possessive. He says that every human should have a bit of jealousy because we all pray to a very jealous GOD. When I dont call him at night he will send me messages asking me who I am sleeping with, but when I do call him he doesnt answer my calls. Which makes me think that he is with someone else. He tells me he is inlove with me but this uncertainty is making me unsure of the relationship, I am very independant and have many friends and dont need a relationship to complete my life. He says that my friends are more important than him becaus I will always choose them, This is untrue, my friends fill the gap when he is not around which is very often. What do I do ? I feel that I have to just move on with my life and cut him out, when i did say something in this line to him he told me that he will not tolerate those kind of conversations or messages. Is he obsessed?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He sounds far more than a little possessive, and to have a weird idea about God and jealousy. He sounds unstable and potentially abusive, so be careful, but don't expect a long and happy relationship with him. Leave as soon as it is safe to do so, and consider getting a protective court order to prevent him from harrassing, threatening or interfering with you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Red | 2010-02-17

GET RID OF HIM!! I' m so sick and tired of men like this. Who on earth do they think they are??? Seriously just do yourself a favour and leave.

Reply to Red
Posted by: Sam | 2010-02-17

Get out while you can. Don' t become a frog in hot water. Either way, this relationship sounds like a bad idea, and if you leave it to " get better"  you will only end up kicking yourself in the long run.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: qwerty | 2010-02-17

He does indeed sound obsessed with you, and you have to tread very carefully here - the fact that he' s already told you he " won' t tolerate"  any talk of you leaving, tells me this is not going to be an easy break up.

You definitely need to get away from this guy, and sooner rather than later, but you might want to do your breakup in a public place, or with some friends and / or family close by. I' m not trying to scare you, but from what you' ve described it sounds like you might have some difficulty cutting him out of your life for good.

So, just be very careful!! Be firm and direct, and don' t be swayed by any kind of emotional blackmail. (e.g. suicide threats, etc.)

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: Purple | 2010-02-17

If you' re asking this question - I think you already know the answer.

Someone who cuts you off from friends and family is not a good person to be involved with.
Yes, we all feel a bit of jealousy from time to time, but to go so overboard on this that you make bizzare statements like demanding to know who someone is sleeping with - when there is no reason to suspect they' re cheating is to my mind a sign that someone isn' t completely stable.

To me these would be warning signs of emotional abuse to come and quite possibly physical and very likely economic abuse too.

Leave while you still can.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-02-17

He sounds far more than a little possessive, and to have a weird idea about God and jealousy. He sounds unstable and potentially abusive, so be careful, but don't expect a long and happy relationship with him. Leave as soon as it is safe to do so, and consider getting a protective court order to prevent him from harrassing, threatening or interfering with you.

Reply to cybershrink

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