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Question
Posted by: Dumb ''n Dumber | 2010/09/27

Unstoppable chemistry

CS, I had a " relationship"  with a much younger guy for about 2 years on the " understanding"  that nothing could come of it given the big age gap which I kept reminding him about. About a year ago we ''broke if off'' cos he found sms'' on my phone to someone else (he called it flirting) and that''s when he realised he was ''in-love'' with me. Now to be fair, I cared (and still do) about him so much but not that much as to convince myself it would work ... 2 months later he met someone and decided to court her but could never be ''straight'' enough with me to tell what the situation was. He basically just stayed away and hardly contacted me - that hurt! Eventually we spoke, I told him not do anything on the rebound - she then fell pregnant after being with him for 4 months and again, he couldnt tell me. The problem is that the sexual chemistry between us is unstoppable and we''re as hot as hell together needless to say that we''ve cheated on her quite a number of times and even though I feel so damn bad, my heart keeps telling me to stop but when that moment is there actually impossible to stop. What do I do here? I ALWAYS insist on protection and I am not seeing anyone because I love my own space and don''t want to get involved right now so having this sort of ''platonic relationship'' works for me but eish* and he''s just all too eager to please my needs. We''re both lustfully crazy about each other but very selfish too, I know - but what now?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

These sort of elaborate plans for a relationship, agreeing not to become more emotionally involved ( when that is fairly likely ) are not a good idea.
If you then "broke it off", why did it matter to you what happened in any other relationships he had ? Why should he have told you she was pregnant ?
And now you're content to enable him to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend, because the pair of you enjoy the sex together ?
It is never "impossible" to stop, and the arrangement sounds actually rather cold-hearted, and not considering the girlfriend or the child.
This is hardly any sort of "platonic" relationship[ Plato would have recognized ! Yes, indeed, you are both being very selfish. Are you really content to remain that way ?


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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/28

These sort of elaborate plans for a relationship, agreeing not to become more emotionally involved ( when that is fairly likely ) are not a good idea.
If you then "broke it off", why did it matter to you what happened in any other relationships he had ? Why should he have told you she was pregnant ?
And now you're content to enable him to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend, because the pair of you enjoy the sex together ?
It is never "impossible" to stop, and the arrangement sounds actually rather cold-hearted, and not considering the girlfriend or the child.
This is hardly any sort of "platonic" relationship[ Plato would have recognized ! Yes, indeed, you are both being very selfish. Are you really content to remain that way ?


Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cat | 2010/09/27

Wow not to be harsh but you sound really selfish, given the fact you dont want a relationship and the age gap, by cheating on his girlfriend you are both destroying a chance at happiness for him... HIS GIRLFRIEND IS PREAGNANT..you said that yourself leave the poor guy alone and find other entertainment...

Reply to cat

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