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Question
Posted by: Bee | 2009/12/07

Unromantic boyfriend

My boyfriend &  I have been together for a yr &  a half now. We dont often have sex but when we do he jst puts on a condom &  get on top of me. I never get satisfied. I spoke to him about foreplay &  he promises to try but so far nothing has happened (wel we hvnt had sex since we spoke about this. Another thing is I stay by myself &  he visits everyday but in his visits I really get frustrated as he asks for food, I give him. He eats &  kiss me once or twice &  he wil leave. I want him to show some affection &  that he wants me. He jst sits there, eat my food &  talk about his job. I dont think he knows how to be romantic or affectionate &  Im feeling really frustrated. What do I do in this situation?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

You could either do this playfully, like giving him a raw egg or bread with nothing on it to illustrate your point playfully (what I mean here is the food is not ready like you are not ready for sex without affection/foreplay). Or you could stop him when he makes advances (e.g. "no, I'm not ready yet, I would like you to do this or that first"). In the same way as he is likely to turn away a raw egg, you can turn away 'unromantic sex'.

It may also be that he doesn't know exactly what you mean by 'foreplay'. You could show him either by doing to him, or directing him to do to you, what you would like (some people are embarassed about not knowing what to do...it could be that).

If this doesn't change then you need to think long and hard about whether the rest of the relationship is good enough to outweigh the fact that he appears to only think about himself...

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/08/02

i'm on a break with my boyfriend right now because i just feel so frustrated with his response to my romantic gestures. i don't know what to do anymore and i feel like i want to just quit. i have told him what was wrong with him but he doesn't do anything about it. he just said that his divorce probably made him that way and that i have to accept him as who he is. thinking it over, i just can't so i guess i will end it.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Change | 2009/12/08

I would get rid of him. It seems as if all he is concerned about is his stomach and himself, You seem to be a convenience for him. He has got no clue on how to behave and seemingly does not care about your emotional and physical needs. Why bother with him?? Do you REALLY think he will change ? Let me tell you at the outset, he will NOT change and if you persist with him he will just get worse. Read the signs girlie. There are stacks of guys out there who will appreciate you.

Reply to Change
Posted by: Mr G | 2009/12/08

I wish my girlfriend would be more like you. She doesn' t really like foreplay. When she does get in the mood, maybe once in two weeks, it should just be sex and that is it. She has at least two orgasms during one session, but for some weird reason she isn' t into foreplay that much at all.

Reply to Mr G
Posted by: Ken | 2009/12/08

That is really sad, he is missing out on so much by not being affectionate and indulging in foreplay. Sex without foreplay is not nearly as satisfying. A woman needs a lot of foreplay to get her in the right mood and to achieve orgasm. Just him climbing on and doing the deed is just being selfish and he is not caring for your needs at all.

Reply to Ken
Posted by: Anon!! | 2009/12/08

Call me...
I' ll give you lots of attention.. :)

Reply to Anon!!
Posted by: Sexologist | 2009/12/08

You could either do this playfully, like giving him a raw egg or bread with nothing on it to illustrate your point playfully (what I mean here is the food is not ready like you are not ready for sex without affection/foreplay). Or you could stop him when he makes advances (e.g. "no, I'm not ready yet, I would like you to do this or that first"). In the same way as he is likely to turn away a raw egg, you can turn away 'unromantic sex'.

It may also be that he doesn't know exactly what you mean by 'foreplay'. You could show him either by doing to him, or directing him to do to you, what you would like (some people are embarassed about not knowing what to do...it could be that).

If this doesn't change then you need to think long and hard about whether the rest of the relationship is good enough to outweigh the fact that he appears to only think about himself...

Reply to Sexologist

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