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Question
Posted by: SARAHMAK | 2009/12/21

Unprotected sex

I am 30yrs old &  HIV+ having an affair with a 42 yrs old man with unknown Hiv status. We are now in two months relationship.

We have not yet had sex and I tried to tell him to do HIV test as he had several love affairs. But it seems he does not want to test and he has been nagging me to have sex with him, I told him I that I was not ready.

The thing that troubles me is that he wants to have unprotected sex and I respect him as he is 12yrs older than me, so should I tell him that I am HIV+ whiles he is keeping his status a secret? I love him but should I trust him?

I am so desperate to have sex &  last week I gave it to him with a condom but after a while we changed position and i realised that he took the condom out when we finished the second round. So what' s next?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

You have a responsibility to protect yourself and exercise safe sex practices. Having unprotected sex will put both you and him at risk. If you choose not to reveal your sexual status – you should find ways to not negotiate safe sex – sex without a condom is not an option.

The fact that he is 12 years older than you and that you respect him, should not override your responsibility to keep yourself and your sex partners safe!

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information and assignments that could be helpful: www.sexualhealth.co.za

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Boon | 2010/01/13

you deserve to die!!! damnnn woman.

Reply to Boon
Posted by: sexologist | 2009/12/23

You have a responsibility to protect yourself and exercise safe sex practices. Having unprotected sex will put both you and him at risk. If you choose not to reveal your sexual status – you should find ways to not negotiate safe sex – sex without a condom is not an option.

The fact that he is 12 years older than you and that you respect him, should not override your responsibility to keep yourself and your sex partners safe!

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information and assignments that could be helpful: www.sexualhealth.co.za

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: hestia | 2009/12/22

I do not understand how you can have unproteced sex with someone you think has STD' s and this while being HIV +. Scary. He is not interested in you. He just wants sex. He did not respect your wished to use a condom from the beginning. and you should also take more responsibility. You are saying that you did give him alot of condums but he did not use it. Correction, you BOTH did not use it. It takes 2 to tango. And why did you had a 3rd round after you realised he removed it Why are you intertaining him?

Reply to hestia
Posted by: Ken | 2009/12/22

I think she got the HIV through her carelessness and yet she learnt nothing, don' t come to us and seek approval to your nonsensical behavior you are 30 not 3 so act like it.

Reply to Ken
Posted by: reality check | 2009/12/22

i am sorry to be judgemental but i am shocked about your posting and comments (at your age). You are trying to justify the fact that you are having unprotected sex whilst you are positive? and you want to blame it on him? It' s people like you that fail to stop this virus...what if he was hiv negative? are you prepared to be responsible for taking someone' s life? how will y ou live with yourself????

This man has had many sexual partners and he' s had unprotected sex with all of them... i presume... and you are just glad to be one of them - are you aware that you are endangering your life? or is it that you just don' t care???? You are both irresponsible ADULTS!!!

Reply to reality check
Posted by: Primo | 2009/12/22

You need to open up, n omatter what he keeps hidden HIV or no HIV, you placing yourself in huge danger of cross infection. and always use a condom, IHIV and AIDS has been a reality for so many years, yet it seems some individuals thinks it cannot happen to them.

Reply to Primo
Posted by: SARAH MAKANETE | 2009/12/21

I had sex with this new man in my life after abstaining for 2years and a half but I was so shocked to find out that I have a smelly yellowish discharge 5 days after sex. Did he infect me with STI.

Reply to SARAH MAKANETE
Posted by: SARAHMAK | 2009/12/21

I hear you XXX but what about him keeping his Hiv status a secret while he had engaged unprotected sex with several women. Isn' t he the one who is breaking the law?

I think he has already contracted some STI &  Hiv because he is the one who wants unprotected sex. I bought many condoms but he only used one out ten &  did 3 rounds for one night. Tell me, who is to blame? ME or HIM?

I tried to speak to him abou Hiv but it seems He is not interested in my so called Health talk.

Reply to SARAHMAK
Posted by: XXX | 2009/12/21

It appears that you have not told him your status either ! I suppose you know it is illegal not to tell a partner that you are HIV + and to have sex with him/her.
I suggest you tell him very quickly, so he can go a dr.You must not play with other people' s lives by not telling them your status.
Good luck

Reply to XXX

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