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Question
Posted by: Stupid Girl | 2008/10/01

Unprogram Me !

Hi CS

You know me under another name - I was engaged to an alcoholic for 3.5 years and we broke up after much soul searching and considering my future.

Now Im with a great guy. He' s kind, gentle, and almost child like in many ways, and despite my therapy that helped me realise I have general resentment issues towards men, everything about this man drives me to criticize him, look down on him, and literally cringe when he touches me. Im very confused...
One day Im in love with this man, praising the heavens for bringing me a man in a million (which he is) then the next day Im like " dont touch me, i wanna lash out at him etc"  - is this normal and Im not used to normal?? Do couples love each other one day and then get irritated at the slightest thing the next day??

Also my ex has recently gotten in touch with me. It hurts so much. He keeps asking to meet up but I have set very clear boundaries that I wont! I love and respect my current boyfriend, but why does my thinking towards him seem so hostile and erratic?

I dont wanna let a good man go, but then why do the small things annoy me so much? Am I in lust or in love? Try separate us and I feel like my heart has burst, I miss him and we talk via sms all day, but when I get home and see him face to face, there are some days when I think you repulse me...Please CS I dont wanna lose a good guy...and he is a good guy. I deserve the best and now that I have it I dont know how to appreciate it. I can' t afford more therapy its like R550 a session which will cripple me.

:(

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I guess if you have not grown used to "normal" its hard to be sure what is and what isn't "normal". But these are issues which one can work out very well in therapy, especially in CBT, which is very specificall designed to help youj "de-program" yourself. If continuing contacts from your Ex cause you distress, stop him contacting you --- tell him to stop doing so, and change your contact numbers. And maybe less SMS and cellphone time, might help youa fford some more sessions of therapy ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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