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Question
Posted by: Steve | 2012-06-14

Unhappy Wife

Hi there,

Me and my wife has been living in a wendy house for the past couple of years with our 2 kids due to financial situation.As a man it''s really hard as I want to provide and put my family in a house.Both of us work and she work shifts most of the time.I spend majority of the time with the kids and it''s no problem at all.I was them,clean the house,do washing and make food when I can.She seem to be very frustrated with the kids and never come down to their level,as kids they will always go on and play.Last night I ask her if she''s happy with where she is in life and the situation we''re in and she said she don''t know.I told her if that''s the case then she must try and work towards or else find someplace that will make her more happy than our home.We''r both under 31 years old,i know both of us need a break as we never have time alone.Am I being rude or heartless?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Far les than you'd want or hope for, but much better than many others have. I don't quite understand what you actually meant by what you said to your wife. Surely you're both doing the best you can at this stage ? Is there anything obvious being not done at present ? Are you suggesting she take a short break, maybe with family, to refresh herself ? Or that she leave you ? its not clear.
Usually, it's best to jointly discuss the situation as it is, and as you both want it to be, and what can be done to get there from here, raher than starting with a solution, that might not be what's needed at all

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Our users say:
Posted by: Megan | 2012-06-14

Hi Steve,

Of course she’ s not going to be 100% happy with our situation, because honestly it’ s not a situation that no one wants to be in. I do agree that you have to be grateful because people have less, believe me it’ s a song I sing to my husband all the time. But it’ s not wrong to want more and to be upset at a situation. While I do understand that it is a frustrating situation for both of you, I do feel that by you telling her to find a better place to live or a better job is being unrealistic, especially considering that A) you guys obviously can’ t afford better and B) you yourself are struggling to find work, thus how is she supposed to do it in a heartbeat? As a mother, I can understand how she must feel not being able to provide for your kids the way a mother should. And I can imagine how you feel as a father not being able to provide the way a father should. I can understand it’ s very frustrating for both of you, because when you want want want and just can’ t do anything better, it’ s very disheartening.

You guys need to be more supporting of EACH OTHER. Maybe she doesn’ t get on with your kids because she doesn’ t spend enough time with them, maybe she resents them in a way because they get to spend more time with you. Maybe she has fears they’ ll hate her one day for this. You don’ t know what’ s running through her head, but it’ s not wrong for her to be feeling like that.

I think you guys need to take leave (which you are entitled to take) and go away somewhere CLOSE, a campsite somewhere. Camping is super cheap, and it’ s not wrong to take a holiday. It will be for everyone’ s best interest to just “ get away from it all” .

Reply to Megan
Posted by: Steve | 2012-06-14

Hi there,

I didn''t put us in this situation,we both did.It was a chance we both decided to take.I''m trying my best,but wont go sell drugs to make us financially strong.I''m looking out for a job that pay more everyday,but haven''t found anything yet.I''m not being frustrated,I try and make the best of everything in life and still know where in life I want to be.I''m not being unfair,I''m being realistic.Life doesn''t always go the way you planned,be greatfull for what you have as there''s people who have less.

Reply to Steve
Posted by: Romany | 2012-06-14

Personally, I am still a bliever of the man being the head of the household. The provider, the father.
If you got your family into this situation, you should do everything in your power to get them out of this situation.
You are being unfair towards your wife by telling het to to basically get out and make things betterfor herself.
Ofcourse she is frustrated. Be gratefull she still supports you and and only " seems frustrated" and not scream and shout and " act" frustrated all the time.
The situation seems to be " no problem at all"  to you.... that would frustrate me too. I would want to see my husband at least " trying" to better the situation for myself and the kids.
Yes, I know it is not easy

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-06-14

Far les than you'd want or hope for, but much better than many others have. I don't quite understand what you actually meant by what you said to your wife. Surely you're both doing the best you can at this stage ? Is there anything obvious being not done at present ? Are you suggesting she take a short break, maybe with family, to refresh herself ? Or that she leave you ? its not clear.
Usually, it's best to jointly discuss the situation as it is, and as you both want it to be, and what can be done to get there from here, raher than starting with a solution, that might not be what's needed at all

Reply to cybershrink

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