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Question
Posted by: Bee | 2009/11/09

Unhappy Life

Hi, I was born to a mother who wasnt with my dad when I grew up so I never knew him. At the age of 7 she married a guy who hated my guts and treated me badly. I was bullied at school, desperately unhappy and sent from one house to another to live with other people. Of course that meant going to various schools sometimes changing two to three times a year. I believe she wanted me out the way to be with her husband and new kids. I am 36 years old, job hop and am very unahppy in the jobs I hold. I assume it is becoz of my unhappy upbringing. in addition, I married a man who cheated on me when I was pregnant with my second daughter and although I have been married 16 years, I dont know how much longer I can stay married to him. He has changed after the affair and but I dont know if I can move on. I feel my life is one long sorrow filled story, I also have avoidance personality disorder, springing from all the rejection and pain faced as a child. Is there any hope? i use St Johns wort, have been to psychologists but they cant really help me forget and forgive in order to move on. PS My mother and her husband died 2 years apart, 10 years ago, so I cant even tell her how her bad choices and selfishness ruined my life.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Yes, there is hope. But I would think mainlym in the direction of a psychologist very specifically offering Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ( CBT ) which is ideal for exactly the sort of problem you mention. Other more wishy-washy psychotherapy would be unlikely to help, and medication isn't suited for this type of problem.
Fortunately, you don't need to tell your lousy mother how lousy she was. What is needed is to finally set yourself free from the persisting ill-effects of how badly she treated you, and that involves work within yourself, to revise the automatically unhelpful habits of thought that have developed

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Flower 1980 | 2009/11/10

I know xactly what you are saying. Parents don' t know waht impact they have on us, if they take out their anger for what they felt for their ex partners. My mom hated my dad,hated his family and because of that mistreated me. I always felt that I was adopted, unfortunelty for me I was not.I tol her once what she did to be in my childhod, she did' nt even know that I was rape, molested by her father and her husband. Today I am a married woman, with 1 son, my own home, staying very close to mom, yet they still don' t visit me. I thought our relationship would grow, but these days I find that there is something that is pushing me away from her and I can buillt a relationship with her. I have a better relaionship with mum-inlaw, than with her. I so much wish to have the relationship with my mom, but I' m 29 years old and it does' snt seem like that is gona happen anytime soon.

Is it me on her?

Reply to Flower 1980
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/10

Yes, there is hope. But I would think mainlym in the direction of a psychologist very specifically offering Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ( CBT ) which is ideal for exactly the sort of problem you mention. Other more wishy-washy psychotherapy would be unlikely to help, and medication isn't suited for this type of problem.
Fortunately, you don't need to tell your lousy mother how lousy she was. What is needed is to finally set yourself free from the persisting ill-effects of how badly she treated you, and that involves work within yourself, to revise the automatically unhelpful habits of thought that have developed

Reply to cybershrink

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