advertisement
Question
Posted by: Sharon | 2011-04-20

Unhappy

Hi, I''ve been married for nearly 4 years and have a little boy of 18 months. I feel like I''ve slowly become more and more dissatisfied with my marriage. He frequently goes for " drinks after work"  which sometimes end at 7pm, sometimes after midnight (not too often). Either way, he comes home drunk approx 3 x a week. He also does very little to help with baby, and only really plays with him for a few mins in the morning, doesnt'' help with feeding, bathing, preparing meals etc. He''s very difficult to talk to and when I''ve suggested counselling he says no way. I know I''ve been an unhappy person lately and full of moans and groans, so I know I''m not innocent &  prob not much fun to be around. I''ve also got very little interst in sex since our child was born. Whenever he initiates sex he has usually had a good few drinks, which turns me off, and I have been finding excuses for a while now, which is becoming an issue. Any advice ?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he comes home drunk 3 times a week, he has a drinking problem. Is he under much stress at work, or indeed at home ? His reation to the suggestion of counselling suggests he is reluctant to admit there is anything wrong.
Is it possible that, unwittingly, you have been contributing at all to the development of these problems ? Understandably you feel disgruntled when he arrives home late - but if you're grumbly and nagging ( "ful of moans and groans ") when he gets there, however understandably, this would encourage him to drink more and arrive later. And if he's staying out later there's less time to relate to and play with the child. Men usually find it very hard to deal with nagging ro groans, feeling they should say or do something to solve everything, and if they can't they may prefer to withdraw from the situation rather than feel useless and defeated.
Is your loss of interest in sex possibly related to a Post Natal Depression ( a really common problem ) which would also add to the moans and groans feeling ? It responds really well to treatment, best with medication AND counselling.
Would it perhaps help if you sought advice from a shrink about your side of the discomfort, and some counseling ? As you began to feel better, and could work out with your counsellor better ways of handling the other problems, and could be more cheerful and welcoming when he came home ( imagine making him feel regret that he didn't come home sooner !) he may become open to recognizing the potential value of marriage counselling along with you.
Please recognize I'm not in any way suggesting you should be blamed for the situation, but you are a participant in it, and can most easily change your part of the situation.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Sharon | 2011-04-20

Thanks very much for your advice (and such a quick response). I know I am more than ikely contributing my fair share to the problem, and will take your advice - counselling on my side and medication if necessary, and see where that leads.

Reply to Sharon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-04-20

If he comes home drunk 3 times a week, he has a drinking problem. Is he under much stress at work, or indeed at home ? His reation to the suggestion of counselling suggests he is reluctant to admit there is anything wrong.
Is it possible that, unwittingly, you have been contributing at all to the development of these problems ? Understandably you feel disgruntled when he arrives home late - but if you're grumbly and nagging ( "ful of moans and groans ") when he gets there, however understandably, this would encourage him to drink more and arrive later. And if he's staying out later there's less time to relate to and play with the child. Men usually find it very hard to deal with nagging ro groans, feeling they should say or do something to solve everything, and if they can't they may prefer to withdraw from the situation rather than feel useless and defeated.
Is your loss of interest in sex possibly related to a Post Natal Depression ( a really common problem ) which would also add to the moans and groans feeling ? It responds really well to treatment, best with medication AND counselling.
Would it perhaps help if you sought advice from a shrink about your side of the discomfort, and some counseling ? As you began to feel better, and could work out with your counsellor better ways of handling the other problems, and could be more cheerful and welcoming when he came home ( imagine making him feel regret that he didn't come home sooner !) he may become open to recognizing the potential value of marriage counselling along with you.
Please recognize I'm not in any way suggesting you should be blamed for the situation, but you are a participant in it, and can most easily change your part of the situation.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement