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Question
Posted by: Khanyi | 2010/02/19

Unhappy

My fiancé  can’ t talk properly without fighting everything he says it’ s out of anger and gets very personal with me, I have almost tried everything in the book, he is just unhappy and blames me all the time, it’ s our second week now we not talking cause I just don’ t know what to say, we went for couple counselling and I was diagnosed with depression and now I am fine but when we fight he bring everything that happened then even though we discussed our problem with the assistance of the councillor. Problems are starting all over again I had a lot last year I want to be happy and live a normal life

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some people have gorwn up that way - they have low self-esteem and low self-confidence, so they experience all criticism, even mild, as an attack, and respond by atacking back. They don't feel like they dare take personal responsibility for their choices and actions, and feel they need to blame someone else for everything that goes wrong in their lives, big or small.
Its good that you started with a couples counsellor, but it sounds as thought that work is incomplete, and that far more needs to be done to enhance especially his skills at negotiating and dealing with disagreements. IF he is willing to take this seriously and to see that his mode of responding is indeed a significant problem, fine. If not, are you sure it is wise for you to remain committed to this particular relationship ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Prob | 2010/02/22

When one is depressed it is difficult...but it is also difficult for the spouse of that particular person...becuase u have to live with him/her everyday and in some cases you dont get support...only the person that is depressed gets all the support, kind words etc..You are told all sorts of horrible things by the person which you know is the depression speaking...but it affects.....Maybe he is still trying to catch up to you...maybe there is resentment, he lost time out on his life while you were depressed...let him write you a letter to express what is wrong..

Reply to Prob
Posted by: Prob | 2010/02/22

When one is depressed it is difficult...but it is also difficult for the spouse of that particular person...becuase u have to live with him/her everyday and in some cases you dont get support...only the person that is depressed gets all the support, kind words etc..You are told all sorts of horrible things by the person which you know is the depression speaking...but it affects.....Maybe he is still trying to catch up to you...maybe there is resentment, he lost time out on his life while you were depressed...let him write you a letter to express what is wrong..

Reply to Prob
Posted by: Khanyi | 2010/02/19

I love him and really want to make it work, the difficult part is his actions and attitude and not sure if it can be changed, well at first I understood that I was depressed and that had a huge impact on our relationship, but now I am okay and can’ t take heartaches. THE BIG QUESTIN IS CAN HE CAHNGE?

Reply to Khanyi
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/19

Some people have gorwn up that way - they have low self-esteem and low self-confidence, so they experience all criticism, even mild, as an attack, and respond by atacking back. They don't feel like they dare take personal responsibility for their choices and actions, and feel they need to blame someone else for everything that goes wrong in their lives, big or small.
Its good that you started with a couples counsellor, but it sounds as thought that work is incomplete, and that far more needs to be done to enhance especially his skills at negotiating and dealing with disagreements. IF he is willing to take this seriously and to see that his mode of responding is indeed a significant problem, fine. If not, are you sure it is wise for you to remain committed to this particular relationship ?

Reply to cybershrink

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