Our expert says:
It is not true that you are doomed to never have a happy life. It never is. Maybe it's true that, given your mom's attitudes, you may never quite please her, but that's significantly different.
Maybe you're unhappy right now, but whatever the problem you should be able to work with a CBT therapist and find ways to deal with it better.
Of course this is a very disturbing and complicated problem, but solutions could be found, which a psychologist could helop you explore. One can avoid excess conflict, ignore some of her provoking behaviours. As regards her friend and the job, tell her calmly ( and the friend ) that NOBODY EVER gets a job from you except if that is YOUR decision, and you will interview the friend, and some other posible people, and will make up your own mind. If your mother wants to hire someone on her own, she would have to pay them herself, which would not be a good idea. Don't try to convince her she is wrong, only that these are YOUR decisions, and in those, whatever you decide, is right. And in the same conversation, maybe at its beginning, remind her of how much you love and appreciate her and what she has done in the past and still does --- but that this doesn't mean she must now run your house or make all your decisions.
I wonder whether part of the problem may be that after all her hard sruggles to help you achieve what you have, she now feels useless and redundant and unimportant. Explore --- are there places within reach looking after sick kids, or old people, or whatever, where she could volunteer and help with the work, and feel useful and appreciated again, rather than having her concentrate on trying to help you where you don't want or need help and advice ?
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