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Posted by: Confused | 2009/09/23

Unfulfilled

I’ m full of confusion at this stage of my life. I am going through “ phases”  in which I either feel frustrated, unfulfilled, or lost. I have gone through these phases a few times already this year (although I’ ve had them since I was a teen). Right now I am having the unfulfilled one. When I go through any of these phases, I feel like making drastic changes in my current life, to make up for it or to change the way I feel, hoping that the change will satisfy me. I never have the courage to talk about my feelings to anyone, because I feel like I’ m just being silly, and I’ ve never actually taken action on any of these feelings. A month or so after the phase has passed, I feel some sort of relief that I never took any action during my time of confusion, I feel like it would have been the biggest mistake of my life. But 2 or 3 months later, I feel the same again.

I don’ t know what’ s wrong with me. I feel like there is something missing from my life or my soul. Or maybe there’ s just something missing in my brain?

Any advice would make me feel better.
Confused

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Our expert says:
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Very often, I find, these sort of episodes are related to never having actually worked out what one's goals are --- you feel unfulfilled, without really knowing what might fulfil you. So the drastic changes you make are essentially at random, and often no more likely to satisfy you than what you're doing already. Its no silly to feel this way, indeed almost inevitable, but mere action not based on a rational plan isn't likely to succeed. So seeing a therapist / counsellor could be more genuinely satisfying, enabling you to clarify what would be a more fulfilling way of life.
I'm sure there's nothing missing in your brain, and what is missing in your life is probably a plan, and CBT type therapy could help you find one and keep to it.
I like Garfield's response, espeially as Frankl was a friend of mine. And I also applaud the warning against seekiing the teeth-chattering epiphanies Hollywood falsely leads us to expect.
In your response to Garfield, I wonder why, while appreciating life's little things, you feel the need to expect ANY response from or involvement of, other people. If you base your expectations of life on what OTHER people ouyght to do for you and to you, you are bound to be disappointed. Life is about what YOU do, by yourself, autonomously, which is not at all the same as being alone.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: C | 2009/09/23

Sometimes you will find the " thing"  that gives meaning to your life in the most unexpected place,
I' m also one of those who were always trying to find my purpose or at least find something that gives me that something that I think I need (if that makes sense).
After hitting 39 earlier this year, I actually stumbled upon something that has changed my life, which makes me extremely happy and peaceful for the first time in my entire life. My family is giving me the time and space to pursue this and as a result we are all a much happier family.

Reply to C
Posted by: Confused | 2009/09/23

Thanks CS

I think I need to go home and think about this a bit. From what has been said here, I feel that maybe it' s okay to do what I want to do, without changing anything in my life, and if the people in my life can' t deal with it, then I should just let them be, and focus on myself. I' m tired of trying to keep everyone else happy, if I' m not happy myself.

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Confused | 2009/09/23

Kay in Gtown. Something you said hit home. Thank you :)

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Kay in Gtown | 2009/09/23

Wow, there were no replies when I started typing my reply, and by the time I submitted, there were 5!
Like I said, we' re everywhere... :)

Reply to Kay in Gtown
Posted by: Kay in Gtown | 2009/09/23

Every decade or so, me too...
My bookshelf groans with books on this subject. Seems we are far from alone in that yearning for meaning, and hunger for fulfilment. Get googling and you' ll drown in hits... and you' re very likely to find at least one thing that sparks something deep within you, to build on.

One thing I learnt: it' s not a ' there'  you get to, and then you' re fulfilled. As soon as you reach ' there' , that ' there'  becomes a ' here'  and you yearn for another ' there' . It remains a journey, but at least an interesting and fulfilling one.

And lastly a quote I WISH I had found in my teens: " Don' t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do that. Because what the world needs, is people who have come alive."  (Dr Howard Thurman)

Fellow traveller, you' re in good company. We' re everywhere. :)

Reply to Kay in Gtown
Posted by: Garfield | 2009/09/23

Oops, meant 2000' s (as in this millenium)

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: Garfield | 2009/09/23

Why does it have to be so extreme (running away from everyone vs being all alone)?!

Why cant you have alone time thats set aside for yourself and then still have the support &  love of people around you?

Nothing wrong with a bit of grey inbetween the black &  white ... have you not heard that grey is the new " black"  in the 200' s :-)

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: Confused | 2009/09/23

You know, Garfield, I love the little things. I’ m such a passionate person, and get lost in life’ s little pleasures. The problem is that the people in my life can’ t deal with that part of me. It’ s too much for them. And this is when I start to feel like there’ s something missing, maybe because I’ m being denied what I want. I feel held back. I want to run away from all the people in the world, but I' m dead scared of being alone.

Confused

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Garfield | 2009/09/23

Read Viktor Frankl' s ' Man' s Search for Meaning'  ... it helped me immensely when I was stuck in a perpetual groundhog of day of thinking ' there' s got to be more to life than this' 

... Just be warned, I think all the Hollywood bull out there conditions us into believing that there will be some mammoth lightening bolt, that striking epiphany ...
But, more often than not (or at least that I have found) it' s simply not that big. It' snearly always in the detail.

Life, to me, is about finding meaning in the everyday little things. And when you get accustomed to actually thinking about and experiencing the little things, that' s when they become real and meaningful - not Hollywood Big, but " you individual"  big!

Best wishes with ' your quest'  :-) I hope you find what you are looking for ... or better yet, always appreciate the experience of searching for it!!!

Garfield

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: Rick | 2009/09/23

If I didnt know better I would think you were my ex wife posting here. She is exactly how you describle yourself and all I can say is that Im sorry that you have to go through this and please consider those around you like your family, husband/wife/children. If you dont get help you will cause havoc in their lives.
Ive lived with my ex for 10 years and it was hell.

Regards
Rick

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