advertisement
Question
Posted by: Flower1980 | 2009/03/19

Unfaithful

I have been married for 6 years,hubby basically became alcoholic, I became upset for having a drunk for a husband.I started having an affair and its been going on for some time. I think I am inlove with my lover but he doesnt know.Hubby went through my phone and saw all the sms' s on it and send my lover sms' s pretending to be me, which he responded to thinking its me, so hubby sort of suspect theres an affair but denigning it, I ask him for a divorce but he doesnt want to give one , saying that he love me so much and never leave me, he cried for the past 3 nights for the treatment I am giving me,cant help it, he made me so heartless becoz his friends came 1st, and now when the going gets tough he wants to pull up his sock and for me its to late. When he send my lover and sms he said ( I can still smell you on my pillow) so there is enough evidence that I have an affair. I am not proud of what I am doing,but he made me what I am.I want a divorce but I also feel sorry for him cz he loves me so much and I wish him dead. How do I get out of this one sided lovesless marraige. he is devasted and you know what I feel nothing, I told him my feelings is dead for him, yet he still wants to continue with this marraige, how do I make this man realise I want out. I know I' m wrong with the affair, but I also dont want to let go of my lover.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Having a cheating alcoholic as a husband is indeed upsetting, though as you know, having an affair doesn't solve anything. Get legal advice about getting a divorce, it shouldn't need the drunk's consent. If you wated there to be any real chance for the marriage to survive, you would both need to get really involved in marriage counselling.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Jim | 2009/03/20

I have read your story and feel for you. From a mans point of view that' s been married over 18 years with a lovely wife, I can only say this. Marriage is though and you have to work on it all the time but no woman need to be treated like this.If you have no more feelings for him get out now and you your self must get counseling in order to get your mindset right so you don' t blame yourself if you were not part of the cause.I DON' T condemn you for the affair even though I disagree but you also need to be happy and loved. If you have kids then even more so sort out now and not later. Hope you can trust your lover that he is not just playing you because of your situation.Good luck I hope all turns out well. Try to get your hubby to get help as you will always be part of each other.

Reply to Jim
Posted by: Flower1980 | 2009/03/19

TRUE, thank you so much. Its just I dont know what to do, if I want to work on my marraige, MY heart is dead, Is it becoz I have some one in my life.

Reply to Flower1980
Posted by: Flower1980 | 2009/03/19

TRUE, thank you so much. Its just I dont know what to do, if I want to work on my marraige, MY heart is dead, Is it becoz I have some one in my life.

Reply to Flower1980
Posted by: true | 2009/03/19

I can understand what you are going through. I am only married for 4 years and its been tough. i had to sit with alot of abuse and still stayed until one morning I woke up and just started being a flirt. I could not help for these feelings cause as you also said they drive us to it. I never imagined that I would turn out to be such a wife but when I think back then I can understand. I did not have an affair yet but there is someone that I am so attracted to and both of us are at that point where we totally ignore each other as we dont want our relationship to lead to an affair as he is married too. I dont judge you for having an affair but rather leave/seperate from your husband and see how things get with your lover cause you know after a few months you might find that there are still feelings for your hubby. These acts are merely maybe cause you are still so hurt??? 6 years is a long time. I wish you all the luck!

Reply to true
Posted by: Laana | 2009/03/19

Leave your husband then pursue your lover. Having two men is just going to end in tears.

Reply to Laana

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement