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Question
Posted by: Renata | 2011/06/01

Unfairness of partner

My partner is very unfair, he will attend cetain parties or occasions all by himself, some he will invite me. Best of all he will inform me of all these occasions and ask me can you go with me to this party, then he will also let me know about the ones that i am not allowed to go to.
This morning he told me that there is an occasion done by his family at some facy place at Randburg, but only he and his mom and two brothers can go. When i asked about his brothers wives, they are still undecided.
I said oh!, u brothers wives are welcome but you are not inviting me, but you just bragging that you are gong to this fancy party.
He answered very annoyed, " ok ya you can also come" Please help me as it is bothering me, why am i invited to some places, but at other places i am not invited, hence wherever i am invited i always take him with.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

That's not a "partner", is it ? Has he explained WHY you're "not allowed" to go to some of the parties ? None of us can tell you why, only he can explain. What he's doing is unkind and unfair, but only he knows why he chooses to do it. If occasionally there's an event where there's a good reason for you not to know, he could explain why in a pleasant way.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Emma | 2011/06/03

Maybe he could after all be embarrassed being with you at certain events where people can see you for who you truely are. Or maybe his wife goes with him to the rest OR maybe at the events he doesnt invite you to, the women who he would prefer as a wife will also be attending, you being with will spoil his chances...

Reply to Emma
Posted by: ??? | 2011/06/02

you sound materialistic and high on maintenance, you brag about your wardrobe and other men that are interested, you never talk about how you love your partner etc.
Al you care about is attending the fancy places, you are one of those woman that want''s to be seen,
when last did you do something nice for your men, or is it always just functions and functions, live is more then nice clothes and glamour,
men want a down to earth woman that will take care of her parnter and make him feel good,
if you are not happy with him I am sure there are other men out there that will entertain you, They might be wealthy but it does not make them honest or good.
Think about it , you want glamour and the whole world must revolve around you, who cares if you have a wardrobe, you might look good all the time but it does not make you a good woman think about.
earth calling to Renata!!!!

Reply to ???
Posted by: Truth | 2011/06/02

It may be that he is embarassed by your mercenary nature, your second posting shows that you are hugely overimpressed by by the material things in life. You even state you are looking for a wealthy man.......... Most men would be put off by such an attitude. It may well be he is using you for sex. A man would be unlikely to commit to a woman who needs a new outfit for each event - too high maintanance! Men want to be loved for who they are not how much money they have. You do not come across as a warm loving person,perhaps you should accept some of the other invites you are extended from " a lot of guys asking me out" 

Reply to Truth
Posted by: The real Just Saying! | 2011/06/02

This is to just saying, please dont use my nick name get your own I used it since many moons ago, I have asked you yesterday as well on the heart to heart forum
many thanks

Reply to The real Just Saying!
Posted by: Renata | 2011/06/02

JAST SAYING if u can read in my msg he does take me to some events where there very fancy, smart and rich pple, but sometimes not, like the past Saturday we went to a Classy place at Aspen Hills Estate in the South and there were pple with hummers, porche''s u name it, bt he took me there..i also thought he is embarresed...bt now i am confussed...like on Friday we r going to this Zarfest 2gether...in he very mch into it.
The problem came when he asked when is the Zarfest again, i said Saturday..he said oh, ok! cause i am invited to the Gallagher Estate in Midrand by my brother...
Another thing i am highly fashionable...love doing my nails, changing my hairstyles...i buy new clothes for every Event....i have got like 3 wardrobes full of clothes and there r a lot of guys asking me out...so if he is embarresed..maybe he is embarresed he is ashamed of himself cause he is 13yrs older then me...I hve told him i am no longer ganna tolerate this shit...i find myself a wealthy, loving, kind and honest man...

Reply to Renata
Posted by: Just Saying | 2011/06/01

Hi Jacky
l never said he was embarassed but MAYBE was!
This is as justifiable reason as those suggested by yourself and is as such a possibility!

Some people out there are embarassed by there partners and just use them financially or sexually but hide them whenever possible.

Reply to Just Saying
Posted by: Jacky | 2011/06/01

Very uncalled for, Just Saying. You know NOTHING about their relationship, and if the guy was so embarrassed of her, she wouldn''t even be a partner. Maybe YOU do the same thing and YOU''RE embarrassed of your partner, but don''t speak for everyone if this is the case.

Renata, how long have you guys been together? If it''s a new relationship, maybe he doesn''t want to appear to clingy and if it''s an old relationship, maybe he thinks you''re over the going out together all the time phase. Maybe his friends and family doesn''t like you for some reason, or maybe you don''t like his friends or family so he just doesn''t invite you? Some men are simple and the reason for this may be simple.

Reply to Jacky
Posted by: Just Saying | 2011/06/01

Maybe he is embarassed to be seen with you-which is why u r a partner and not a wife?

Reply to Just Saying
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/01

That's not a "partner", is it ? Has he explained WHY you're "not allowed" to go to some of the parties ? None of us can tell you why, only he can explain. What he's doing is unkind and unfair, but only he knows why he chooses to do it. If occasionally there's an event where there's a good reason for you not to know, he could explain why in a pleasant way.

Reply to cybershrink

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