Posted by: Lisa Confused | 2013-01-25

Underdeveloped Clitoris?

Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and I''ve known since I started exploring myself that something is wrong with me. I have never been able to orgasm ever, not alone, not with my boyfriend. I feel broken, like my parts don''t work how everyone describes them to. I have learned how to make it feel pretty good, but the feelings only last for about a minute maximum, then it just quickly disappears, or turns into oversensitive pain. Also, most sex positions are painful and feels like I am being stabbed around my bladder/stomach, and he is about average, so it shouldn''t be caused by the size of his penis.

Sex itself doesn''t ever feel good, it feels like nothing. I have tried finding the g-spot and that just causes me pain and a burning sensation. I don''t know how it feels for normal girls, but my mind is never focused on sex when having intercourse, I can stop whenever, and I feel weird when I see my boyfriend feeling very passionate and I feel like I could be sitting outside or doing anything else. I don''t feel connected to him at all during sex and I hate this a lot.

My boyfriend and I have talked about this a lot, he has a decent sex drive so he wants to have sex at least a few times a week, but he doesn''t ever push me to. I feel like I have almost no sex drive, most of the time it feels like a chore for me since he''s always in the mood for sex. He told me that compared to his past ex''s, my clitoris is also very very small, I do not know if this means that it is underdeveloped or not. I do not know if there is some way to fix this issue, or to increase my sex drive, but I would like to find an answer to this problem. It causes me a lot of relationship issues because I can not give my boyfriend the intimate time that he needs, even though I want to, but it is never very enjoyable, and sex just makes me think about how I''m not normal and it doesn''t work right for me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear lisa confused.

The condition you describe is called Vaginismus, a condition characterised by pain, muscle spasm and consequently little enjoyment in sexual activity and limited ability to have an orgasm. Once this is established and if not resolved it can cause much psychological suffering including feelings of guilt, not feeling normal and shame. You describe very clearly the unhappy effects it has had on you and your relationship.

It is encouraging to hear that you have talked at length about this with your boyfriend and that while he is unhappy with the situation, he is nevertheless very understanding. It is important that you find a way to reconnect with your sexuality and that you do not lose this important means to expressing intimacy with your partner.
The first step is to know that there are treatments for this but you need to have reasonable expectations and give it time. The general principle of treatment is to slowly reconnect with your desire and what turns you on, perhaps starting to do this while masturbating, using whatever means you can. You then progress using your arousal as a guide from there, perhaps using toys, your partners fingers working up to penetration for short periods with the aim of your arousal being most important.
However, this is a problem that may require help as it can be stubborn and in your case present for a long time. Physiotherapists who specialise in pelvic floor problems can be very useful, as can a good sexologist. This is one of the most common problems that they deal with so I would encourage you to get the extra help and the invaluable support they would provide.

My last response, is that I don't think the size of your clitoris is totally unrelated to your problem.

SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2016-05-08

If you can realize its the man n his ignorace that is the probllemssome of this will see ive just realized I should have mentioned first getting you aroused...I mean dont touch her nipple or clitt till she just about begs for it...then when you do she will feel like exploding oh yea she will squirt

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2016-05-08

If you press down around your clit it will force it up n out into the air to be fully reachable..with experience nd verrrryyyy slowwww movements of a tip of a tongue tongue...this...wait it has to be slowwwwn lighttttttou cant posse focus on this or youll loose what you built up..also...this is the other powerful tool.....your fingers liightly fondelling her nipples at the same time your tongue is goin at it described above non stop....the pressure and speed is the key

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Lisa Confused | 2013-02-06

Thank you all for the helpful information! And Anderson, thank you for your post, I think I might try that to see if it helps! If anyone helps I''ll be sure to let you know, for any other women who have these problems!

Reply to Lisa Confused
Posted by: Anderson | 2013-01-31

Hi Lisa,

There are hormone treatments that can help your condition. The cause of the ''smaller than normal clitoris'' is usually insufficient testosterone levels during puberty when your clitoris develops to it''s adult, sexually mature size.

Treatments such as topical testosterone creams such as androgel and testim have proven to be effective at helping women with this condition by increasing the size of the clitoris, and along with this the amount of sensory receptors in the clitoris, resulting in more pleasure.

All is not lost!

Reply to Anderson
Posted by: advise | 2013-01-31

Hi Lisa

Please confirm this with a gynaecologist, noone knows better the size and shape of things, than someone examining them all day, then follow his and experts advise.
sex is to be enjoyed, seek the enjoyment
good luck

Reply to advise
Posted by: Lisa Confused | 2013-01-30

Thank you for the much helpful information. I will definitely look more into that. I did some self exploring and I do believe that my clitoris is indeed irregularly small. It is almost non-existent, it is too small to come out of the hood. I tried to move the hood back, but only managed to barely glimpse it. Up until I actually looked into this about a week ago, I thought the hood was the clitoris. I am trying to think of a good comparison for the size, the best I can think of is that it''s about the size of a single drop of liquid or soap. I do not know the general size of them for women, but I assume it is larger than this, and actually visible and touchable. I can only really touch the hood.

Reply to Lisa Confused
Posted by: Lisa Confused | 2013-01-26

He does make me feel very special, and he is in no way being insensitive to me. I was the one who brought up that question and asked him to give me an honest answer, he was just being truthful and trying to help in whatever way he could. If my problem is a physical one then I would like to know that, and not be lied to about insignificant facts such as the size of one''s genital parts.

Also, I did more researching on the subject, and I think I might have a hooded clitoris, that sounded more close to what I have noticed about mine. Does anyone have any information on that?

Reply to Lisa Confused
Posted by: Wizard | 2013-01-25

Hi Lisa, I think you need someone who''s going to make you feel special &  not someone who''s going to pour salt in your wound.Boyfriend was incensitive by confirming your insecurities.How would he feel if you were to tell him that his penis is smaller compared to your ex-boyfriends.

Reply to Wizard

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