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Question
Posted by: Nic | 2009-11-05

uncontrollable teenager

Hi

My 14yr old has gone from a respectful, helpful and loving son to a rude, agressive son overnight. He refuses to go for councelling and as a single mom of 3 kids, I' m struggling to manage him. We used to have a great understanding, now he is so uncontrollable I' m scared of him. He is bigger than me and I can' t dissipline him. He threatens to run away when he doesn' t get him way.
How can i help him and please say this is just a phase?

thx

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, most teenagers do indeed go through a phase like this, around this age, so that may hold some hope for you, but it oesn't solve your immediate problem. If he refuses to go for counselling, it might be useful for you to see a counsellor / child psychologist to discuss the situation, so that you can at least discuss the problem in detail and work out an approach you can use to try to re-introduce a degree of discipline. And maybe, if he thinks about the fact that you would be discussing him when he wasn't there, he might become more interested in atending some sessions.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: linda | 2009-11-07

i have the same problem. I sent my son for about (diffent times) 10 hours of therapy.
They discovered he has Asperker desease. Look it up

Reply to linda
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009-11-05

You know a big problem can be that he has lost respect for you and maybe you have been too forgiving when he oversteps the line with you. All kids " push the envelope"  with their parents, to see how far they can go and how much they can get away with. Some like sonnny boy, threaten you with running away, others threaten suicide or go into the sulks and act in unacceptable manners. Between you and hubby, you have to agree on a course of action to pull the boy back into line, firstly to have respect for you and for you to force the discipline. If he does not listen, take away a priviledge, gate time or do not allow him to make phone calls or something similar. Your hubby has to be strong and make sure he does not side with him against you and that he too imposes respect and discipline. Your hubby must emphasise the respect for you angle very strongly. Tell the boy that he is an unpleasant person and while you will always love him, you do not like him when he behaves badly. The light at the end of the tunnel is that you only have 4 more years of him and then he can move on and he must be told this in no uncertain terms as it will give him something to think about !! Good luck

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Kelly | 2009-11-05

Something must have happened that has made him this way.
How you find out what it is? Maybe speak to one of his best friends... I doubt he' d tell you even if you spoke to him and tried to get it out of him but something is bothering.
Perhaps even something you done that you unaware of.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: nic | 2009-11-05

Hi

he has been encouraged by the school councellor for councelling but he refuses help. please, how do I help him. He already had a fight at school, hurting his best friend. he sees hisfather often and his father and i have a very good relationship for the kids sake

Reply to nic
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-11-05

Well, most teenagers do indeed go through a phase like this, around this age, so that may hold some hope for you, but it oesn't solve your immediate problem. If he refuses to go for counselling, it might be useful for you to see a counsellor / child psychologist to discuss the situation, so that you can at least discuss the problem in detail and work out an approach you can use to try to re-introduce a degree of discipline. And maybe, if he thinks about the fact that you would be discussing him when he wasn't there, he might become more interested in atending some sessions.

Reply to cybershrink

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