Posted by: let down | 2010-01-30

uncontrollable anger

Please advise on way forward. I find myself extremely angry these past months and dont know how to control it. I seem to take it out on kids and all the wrong people. I am angry for every small thing. After being divorced for so many years, i find myself angry with my ex for leaving me to bring up kids alone. I thought i was over 5 years ago, but now why would i care...
I feel so let down in life. I am angry with my father who left my mum and me over 25 years ago. I am involved with a man but he is not ready to commit and avoids issues all the time. I no longer can deal with being let down and want to scream but cant, i want to cry but cant. Please advise if i should see a shrink or go to some sort of anger management class and if so please recommend for south of jhb.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello ld,
There can be so many reasons for being increasingly angry and irritable - the commonest would be stress and anxiety disorders, and depression.
But what you seem to be describing is an unhelpful and fruitless pattern of severe anger over things which have happened, long ago - which, in themselves, cannot be changed. You have no possibility of changing what actually happened. But you have complete freedom to decide and choose how you will continue to react to what happened.
SOME people did selfish things which you understandbaly found hurtful, years ago. You are still insisting on carrying the anger with you, though nothing benefits you or your children in any way, about doing this.
Anger Managament Classes are rubbish - our individual causes and natures are so different that it's nonsense to pretend that a chat given to dozens of people at the same time will make much difference. What WOULD help would be cognitive-Behaviour Therapy, CBT, which is excellent for changing ingrained bad habits of thought, and finding more fruitful ways of reacting to the past, freeing yourself to living much more happly in the future. SADAG should be able t help you find a CBT-competent shrink in your area.
What bad those people did to you in the past is not your fault - but it IS your choice to insist on carrying round a big suitcase full of anger, to burn yourself with every day. Discard it, and find the peace you deserve in a positive and confident way of life

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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