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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2009/11/27

Uncomfortable silences....?

I'  m just starting out a new relationship. He'  s always the one to talk and make jokes etc, but sometimes there are these uncomfortable silences cause I can'  t for the life of me think of something to say...! I know it'  s because i feel pressured to say something and then i hit a complete blank...

How can I overcome this? What do I talk about if the silence strikes again? Amongst my friends im very talkative, funny, loud even, but when it comes to him I get blank! I suppose it'  s cause I really like him! I want it to work out but im scared that it won'  t cause he might think im boring...!

Please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You are probably feeling blank BECAUSE you feel pressured to speak. COmpanionship isn't all about speaking. Maybe you're silent with him rather than when mong your friends, because somehow you convince yourself that saying something to him is more important, and its consequences more vital, than talking to them. Don't make him so excessively important. And if he found you too boring, he wouldn't spend time with you. Enjoy the silences - I think he probably does

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Bozo | 2009/11/27

Dont pretend in front of him.
You are trying to hard to impress him , just be yourself and let him get to know the real you.

Reply to Bozo
Posted by: Anon | 2009/11/27

Yeah that' s what I am aiming for, to reach that stage where we can be comfortable with each other in silence, but im not gonna get there if he thinks Im boring....

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Maria | 2009/11/27

True intimacy is when the silences between people become comfortable.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Garfield | 2009/11/27

Why can there never be silence ... surely it would be rather annoyng if you spoke the whole time?

If you truly want it to work, then relax :-)

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/27

You are probably feeling blank BECAUSE you feel pressured to speak. COmpanionship isn't all about speaking. Maybe you're silent with him rather than when mong your friends, because somehow you convince yourself that saying something to him is more important, and its consequences more vital, than talking to them. Don't make him so excessively important. And if he found you too boring, he wouldn't spend time with you. Enjoy the silences - I think he probably does

Reply to cybershrink

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