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Question
Posted by: Colleen | 2011/11/21

Uncertainty about my life

Hi Doc,

I am in a weird place in my life and feel so uncertain about my future. My husband recently overcame a drug and alcohol addiction and has been clean for the last 3 months. We have been married for 13 years with 2 little girls and I do love him but am just so over the mood swings and depression he is going through. His currently on anti-depressants which have really helped him along and he is trying to be a better person but despite all this I am irritated and angry all the time.
I understand that I should see a therapist but just dont have the time as I work full time and not much support where I live. Are there any coping mechanisms I could use to get me through this? I am on mild antidepressants but dont think it helps me much as my mood is consistent.

Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Oddly, even though it's obviously a problem for a family to cope with a major member who has a significant psych problem, the family dynamics can come to center around that, so its also not easy to re-adjust when that problem gets under control. And it sounds as though now the substance abuse issue is under control, the underlying mood disorder is yet to be fully controlled.
Meanwhile, you may feel almost resentful that the focus remains so much on him, without, perhaps the degree of recognition you may deserve for all the effort you have put in in the past and still do put in.
There's no such thing as mild antidepressants, and the phrase worries me. Antidepressants must be used at the proper dosage or not used at all. A low dose is useless, and causes problems rather than solves them. But you're right, you may deserve help without actually being depressed - counsellin would be a good option, and maybe if you explore options, there might be someone who could see you late afternoon or weekends, to help. Call FAMSA and see what they might be able to suggest

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Cindy | 2011/11/21

Hi Colleen,

Why don''t you consider leaving him? If you are putting in all the effort you are already like a single mom. You have a life too and I think it is unfair that you have to put yours on hold whilst your husband recovers.

Reply to Cindy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/21

Oddly, even though it's obviously a problem for a family to cope with a major member who has a significant psych problem, the family dynamics can come to center around that, so its also not easy to re-adjust when that problem gets under control. And it sounds as though now the substance abuse issue is under control, the underlying mood disorder is yet to be fully controlled.
Meanwhile, you may feel almost resentful that the focus remains so much on him, without, perhaps the degree of recognition you may deserve for all the effort you have put in in the past and still do put in.
There's no such thing as mild antidepressants, and the phrase worries me. Antidepressants must be used at the proper dosage or not used at all. A low dose is useless, and causes problems rather than solves them. But you're right, you may deserve help without actually being depressed - counsellin would be a good option, and maybe if you explore options, there might be someone who could see you late afternoon or weekends, to help. Call FAMSA and see what they might be able to suggest

Reply to cybershrink

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