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Question
Posted by: Miss T | 2008/09/15

Ultimatum...or not

Hi
Ive been married for 18yrs, still young both hubby and me and we have major trust issues and are constantly fighting over past mistakes. We decided to seperate and see what happens, I feel its going to make things worse in our marriage. Should I give him an ultimatum, either forget the past and move on with me or dont and we get a divorce.
Constantly bringing up past hurt and indiscretions is making me feel like I cant move on.
He had done something wrong that I discovered yesterday, sms to an old girlfriend and I was livid...at the end of the confrontation, it turns all bad on me and my past gets brought up and thrown in my face...I should have shut my mouth rather?? maybe what I want to know is, as I see it, trust is hard to win back, maybe almost impossible?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I don't know who has been encouraging people to CONFRONT each other and issue ULTIMATUMS as a way of trying to solve problems. Except uncommonly within proper skilled counselling / therapy, these are usually methods that cause more conflict and misery. See a marriage counsellor together and work on those trust issues --- and these are issues involving BOTH of you, with BOTh needing to change and compromise.

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