Posted by: John | 2009-07-12

Two is company... three' s a crowd

I have a friend (Gary) who went through a bad divorce, for the past year we had an arrangement of spending one evening together per week making supper and we chat about our " problems and frustrations in life and general stuff" .
He has recently met a girl and they seem pretty serious about each other. Recently they had a party where various of their friends were invited and my girlfriend and myself was also present.
Gary only had eyes for his new girlfriend and friends from her side and when we left my girlfriend thanked his girlfriend for the evening and got no response.

The chances are that Gary will have his girlfriend along for our weekly evening in the future, if he indeed, still has the urge for that. (We might have come to the end of this gathering, I am thinking now, maybe it was just a phase while he was alone).
I feel it was a boys night out and do not want to change it, if she is there, it will not be the same anyway. I asked my girlfriend if she will join us if the other lady is brought along, then it will be more balanced, at least I will have her as conversation. She said due to the way she was treated at the party she is not interested in this.

What do I do, I suppose the positive thing to do is to go along and see if it is still enjoyable and whether Gary and I still have enough communication going if his girlfriend is present.

However, I feel like telling him that on a evening when he is alone we can still have our weekly boy' s night. Obviously if I do that he will question the fact why we cannot get together as two couples, and I don' t want to tell him how my girlfriend feels.

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Our expert says:
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Maybe you're right that he has progressed beyond the stage at which he needed that sort of evening each week, and has now moved on from the previous relationship and is now committed to the new one. We don't know why the other gf treated your gf in a shabby way --- maybe it had nothing to do with either of you, but it's understandable that your gf isn't keen to meet again with the apparently stand-offish other woman.
Without needing the full evening, can't you arrange to meet him for a coffee or a drink, and simple discus this frankly and pleasantly ? See how he feels, and why n ot explain that for some reason his gf seemed to ignore yours, and see what he says ?
So I agree with Leez

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Our users say:
Posted by: Leez | 2009-07-13

In my opinion, I think you should tell him exactly how your girlfriend feels and WHY. If the two of you are so close, there would be no need to hide anything that may just jeopardise your future friendship, it wouldn' t be fair. If he brushes you aside and thinks that your girlfriend' s just being impossible, then you' d have your answer as to how true a friend he really is. Just my 2c, good luck.

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