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Question
Posted by: Kay | 2011-06-29

Trying to find the right Couples Counsellor

Myself (30yrs) and my fiance (29yrs) have some issues which we would like guidance on.

We are getting married next year and it would be great to strengthen our relationship prior to us getting married. We both come from divorced parents so marriage is a big deal to us!

We have however been to a lady who does IMAGO training, and also a Counselling Psychologist.

We have spent tons of money with this people but both still feel that we arent getting the PRACTICAL advise/guidance we need. We basically feel we have wasted alot of money.

These specialists havent given us any guidance, but just sit and listen to us and ask probing questions. I often leave the sessions more confused than when i entered!

We want, for example someone to say You are doing this wrong, you are doing this right, This is what a marriage is all about etc.

In a nutshell, we want assistance with communication, power struggles and trust.

What kind of person do you think could help us? We live in Cape Town.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

IMAGO training is not a recognized treatment method considered academically or scientifically respectable, and I would not recomment it to anyone. Its sad that anyone should spend so much money on unproven methods, whatever large claims might be made for their value. I woould think you'd do better ( and pobably pay less ) with an experienced counsellor using basic methods of the sort you seem to be seeking, and you should be able to find one near you through FAMSA which has a Cape Town branch

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Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2011-06-29

try speaking to a pastor at church- live life by the bible

Basic
Instructions
Before
Leaving
Earth

Reply to Me
Posted by: Anne | 2011-06-29

No counsellor is going to tell you what you are doing right and wrong - especkally if it is going to mean taking sides. No two marriages are allike, and what may work for you, is not necessarily going to work for the couple next door.

I found Imago extremely helpful in developing listening skills. Before I learned it, my mind was racing ten to the dozen formulating my defence and what I was going to say instead of just shutting up and listening to how my partner feels. Then mirroring him so that he can see I have listened and then validating his feelings.

A big lesson I learned was to stop talking and to listen. And this for me happened through Imago.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: Kay | 2011-06-29

Thank you for your quick reply! Trust me i feel the same about the money ive wasted when im just trying to get by and save for a wedding!

When i go through to FAMSA, what must I ask for? A couples counsellor?

Reply to Kay
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-06-29

IMAGO training is not a recognized treatment method considered academically or scientifically respectable, and I would not recomment it to anyone. Its sad that anyone should spend so much money on unproven methods, whatever large claims might be made for their value. I woould think you'd do better ( and pobably pay less ) with an experienced counsellor using basic methods of the sort you seem to be seeking, and you should be able to find one near you through FAMSA which has a Cape Town branch

Reply to cybershrink

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