advertisement
Question
Posted by: sunshine girl | 2011-08-18

Trust issues

Hi Cyber Shrink , about 3 weeks ago I posted a message to you about my break up from a man where we had kid issues.. And you answered, thank you..
Well, this man is possibly deciding to give our relationship another chance.... He still cares about me, but he is hesitant to be too soft with me as I know i have hurt him (i left him because his child wasnt always nice to my child.. and my boyfriend wasn t always fair to my child either.. Remember me?).. Anyway.. my ex is telling me that he is seriously considering getting back together but he is afraid that after a month of us being back together, that he wont feel like he can trust me and that he will still feel like I could walk out any time, and he doesnt want that because then he will leave and that will hurt out kids.. How do I get this man to trust me again???

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I don't think you can "GET" anyone to trust you, except by being trustworthy over quite a long period. If the pair of you really want to be together but recognize that there are potential problems, why not see a couples counsellor together and see if these issues can be sorted out ? If his first wife walked out on him, its surely understandable, especially after what happened between you last time, that he would be sensitive about this possibility

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Caro | 2011-08-19

And where exactly does your child''s happiness fit into all this?
How can you trust that he and his child will treat your child in a proper manner? dont sacrifice your child''s well-being because you want to be with a man. Your child should be your main concern. Have you then asked him how he is prepared to change or is it all about accommodating his issues? That would be selfish and inconsiderate of your and your child''s needs, wouldnt it?

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Romany | 2011-08-18

I agree with Pat. Your child comes first. this man sounds like he manipulates you....... do not take him back. Move on. Find someone you can trust and that will love your child.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Pat | 2011-08-18

He sounds a jerk - dump him You can do better

Reply to Pat
Posted by: sushinegirl | 2011-08-18

oh and i forgot to add.. I''ve told him that he could meet someone else and they may very well not be trustworthy.. And that he coulld go through the same thing again.. But atleast, he knows me and i''''ve told him that by me saying that I want to be with him again, it means that I want to be with him for good.. He is saying that if he meets someone new (which he doesnt seem keen to right now), he wont have the same history with someone where he feels the girl might walk out on him.. Isn t this a weak argument?? after all, as i was saying, no woman can give him a guarantee that they''ll never leave.. His first wife walked out on him and his child when the child wa still a toddler.. He definately has huge trust issues. However, he is adamant that he is not making me pay for his first wife''s sins..

Reply to sushinegirl
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-08-18

I don't think you can "GET" anyone to trust you, except by being trustworthy over quite a long period. If the pair of you really want to be together but recognize that there are potential problems, why not see a couples counsellor together and see if these issues can be sorted out ? If his first wife walked out on him, its surely understandable, especially after what happened between you last time, that he would be sensitive about this possibility

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement