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Question
Posted by: rachel | 2011/03/11

trust

he had a affair five years ago but still i cant forgive him

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you really can't come to terms with this, and he hasn't cheated again for 5 years, why are you choosing to remain with him ? And why have you not been in counseling both to come to terms with this specific issue, and to deal with related issues of trust and relaionships ?
I don't agree with most of the mush that says everyone who is harmed or hurt MUST "forgive" the one who hurt them, but I think it is important to let go / release and move on, for your own sake.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: QQ | 2011/03/11

Make peace with the fact that you will never forget. You will however at some stage " forgive" .
If you sit and think about the choice you have made , ie to continuie with the relationship (which is an admirable thing to do as you obviously love him), you may even realise that you have forgiven him but not forgotten the hurt and pain he caused.
I hope he works hard to make it better and he realises that you gave him another chance, a last chance.
Good luck. I have huge respect for people that do not take the easy way our by getting divorced. Fight for it if you love it.

Reply to QQ
Posted by: Jerk | 2011/03/11

Then you shouldnt be with him.If someone cheats in a relationship and the other person decides to stay with them they need to come to terms with it.Its unfair to hold it against them for five years if you decided to stay with him.If it bothers you so much then you should leave him and stop wasting his time.Let him find someone who isnt going to hold the past against him.im not saying he was right for cheating but if you want to stay you have to forgive otherwise it will never work.I think maybe you feel that you have power over him now?For example if you do something wrong and he wants to discuss it you can say" hey remember when you had an affair?" and you will automatically win the argument

Reply to Jerk
Posted by: Maria | 2011/03/11

5 years is a long time to be carrying this around with you. Have you tried counselling?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/11

If you really can't come to terms with this, and he hasn't cheated again for 5 years, why are you choosing to remain with him ? And why have you not been in counseling both to come to terms with this specific issue, and to deal with related issues of trust and relaionships ?
I don't agree with most of the mush that says everyone who is harmed or hurt MUST "forgive" the one who hurt them, but I think it is important to let go / release and move on, for your own sake.

Reply to cybershrink

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