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Question
Posted by: Simone | 2010/03/10

True friendship?

Hi. I need some perspective about a friend. I''ve gotten to know Amy very well and we''ve become really close. We spend almost every day together. We both have babies and that is how we became friends, through our antenatal class. We both play netball, and last night when I arrived there, she completely ignored me, as if I didn''t exist. We always throw the ball to each other at practice but she has another friend at the netball club that is clearly jealous of our friendship and the two of them went off by themselves and I felt completely sidelined. In my opinion a friendship does not work that way. You can''t be friends with someone one day and the next day not. I treat all my friends the same and expect the same from her. I''m really disappointed in her behaviour towards me, but tried not to show how I felt. I don''t know if I should pretend like nothing is wrong or if I should confront her about it. She told me a while ago that the friend at netball was jealous of our friendship and it could be that she was just showing her that she''s still her friend, but I did not appreciate being treated that way. So much so that I feel like writing off the friendship. She''s shown me how two faced she is and that she clearly favours her other friend above me. Perhaps I''m being too sensitive about it, but it does bother me. Please help. What should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

She could have shown you that he pther person is still her friend in a kind and polite way, and had no excuse for behaving as she did - that was rude. Don't expect so much from this friendship, and when an opportunity arises, maybe just calmly tell her that how she behaed on this occasion was hurtful, maybe more than she intended, and hard for you to understand. As Maria says, only Amy can tell you what this meant. Friendship need not be exclusive, but one doesn't need to slight or hurt one friend to show solidarity with another

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Gracie | 2010/03/11

Maybe just ignore her for now and let her get on with her friendship with the other woman ... she has no right to treat you like and there is no reason why you should accept such crappy treatment from a so-called friend! Leave her alone & mdash - she will come around sometime and hopefully before she has ruined all other friendships ...

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Maria | 2010/03/10

Only Amy can explain what happened, speculating about it will get you nowhere. Next time you see her, politely tell her that you felt hurt by being ignored and you wonder if you did something to upset her? It doesn''t have to be a fight, just a calm conversation between adults. Only young children should think one can only have one friend at the time, by the time you have kids of your own it should have become clear that friendship should not be exclusive.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/10

She could have shown you that he pther person is still her friend in a kind and polite way, and had no excuse for behaving as she did - that was rude. Don't expect so much from this friendship, and when an opportunity arises, maybe just calmly tell her that how she behaed on this occasion was hurtful, maybe more than she intended, and hard for you to understand. As Maria says, only Amy can tell you what this meant. Friendship need not be exclusive, but one doesn't need to slight or hurt one friend to show solidarity with another

Reply to cybershrink

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