Posted by: Neil | 2009-09-21

Trouble with wife

I am in need of help.
My wife and I are married for 5 years now have one son 7months old. the problem is that we have drifted so far away from eachother that I don' t know how to talk to her anymore and if I do it always ends up in an argument about petty stuff. She is always bringing up stuff from the past, that I didn' t give her enough support during the pregnancy and still wanted relations with her during the time.
I have tried to " fix"  it I have tried ignoring it, I have tried also to bring stuff from the past that she hurt me on, but nothing seems to work. I really don' t know what to do anymore. She doesn' t give me the time of day and if we talk two words to eachother during a day that is alot. She always has our son with her and plays with him, I don' t really get a chance to play and tend to our son, because " I am not doing it right" . It hurts me to see how they enjoy eachother and I am not part of it, I want to be part of my sons life and be loved by him.
I want to be part of it with all my heart but is scared of be in the wrong again and causing a fight again. WHAT CAN I DO TO GET SOME LOVE AGAIN FROM HER? If someone can please give me advise, I am at my end now.

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Our expert says:
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There is no simple answer anyone can give you online --- you need to see a marriage counsellor together to work this out. Maybe she'dd find this suggestion more acceptable if you emphasiuze that you are bothered by her suggestions that you are not doing things right, and want to be able to do so, and that seeing a counsellor together would be the best way for you to learn how to do things right.
And as others comment, there could be an element of PBD, Post-Natal Depression, here, a quite common problem with women who have recently given birth, and one which generally responds well to treatment

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2009-09-22

Wow, I' m so sorry to hear. Can I tell you something? I don' t think that she really knows what she' s doing here. You sound like a great husband for trying, but please don' t give up!! You have the right to be part of your own family. Why don' t you cook dinner for her one night and give her a lovely massage? Have you seen the movie " Fireproof"  yet? Please watch it! Every marriage is worth saving! I know when I had my little boy I was selfish, I thought I was the only one able to take care of him, but now when I think back I realize that I was wrong. People never realize what they are doing. Search the internet to save your marriage, there' s lots of help out there, but please don' t give up like my husband gave up on me!

Reply to Me
Posted by: Liza | 2009-09-21

I can only suggest couples counseling. You have a right to also form a bond with your son. If she says that you' re no doing something right, tell her to tell you what you should do to get it right. Sounds like she doesn' t even allow you to practice. Tell her that if you get chances to practice you will start to get it right. Besides, with the baby being 7 months old, he will be able to support his head and holding him ' wrong'  won' t cause damage.

One great thing I can say about my ex-husband, is that he is a wonderful father. He took to fatherhood like a duck to water. When both of us were back at work, we would make turns to get up during the middle of the night for baby. I still don' t understand why women want extra ' support'  during a pregnancy. The regular support that a husband should give his wife should suffice. I' d rather have extra support once the baby is born.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Woman | 2009-09-21

Your wife might be suffering from post partum depression. Go for couples therapy so she can get diagnosed. Our hormones sometimes go out of whack. Please have some patience with her, she will be most grateful if you do!

Reply to Woman

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