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Question
Posted by: Hood Winked | 2012-06-28

Trouble with family and Girlfriend

Two days ago my cousin stole R2000 which was the last money that I had.

Im broke and I am in the process of opening a case against him unfortunately I have to wait for my bank to finish with their investigation(ten working days) and only then will I get a case number.

My girlfriend is on holiday and I havent told her this because it will ruin her holidays, I am afraid of ruining her time-off.

Last year in June,I had financial difficulties and I lied and said that the bank made a mistake and I blame it on other people, I later admitted that it was me misusing the money, she was upset but later forgave me.

I promised that it would never happen again, this time it is out-of-my hands. I promised to take her out this coming weekend and I had everything planned so that we could strengthen our relationship because we have been dealing with challenges in our relationship.

I am afraid that she will think that Im lying and I cannot prove as I do not have a case number - I will only get it after ten days. She will be back on Friday (Tommorrow).

I know that she won''t believe me because we have had our fair share of troubles in the past and no one wants to hear things like " you''re holding me back"  and "  you''re lying" .

Guys I wanted to go back to school, and to pay my debts ( monthly re-payments) and to take her out and to survive for the month.

But she will not beleive me, my best bet is to wait until the dust settles and then tell her but Im broke and how do I explain that without lying and risking another black mark on our happiness?

PLEASE GIVE SOME OF YOUR GREY MATTER ON THIS GRAY MATTER?

Regards,
W.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

A grey matter indeed. very grey. But what can you do but calmly tell her the truth ? A lie will be revealed, in time, and a second lie will indeed probably end the relationship if she is sensible.
Can't someone from the bank confirm that there is a problem being investigated, but that there is an unavoidable delay before you can get a case number ?
Sadly, this situation points to the later problems caused by lying the first time round. It's like the old European story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf ? A boy who was sent out of the village each day to herd the sheep or cows, decided it was fun to cry an alarm of "Wolf ! Wolf! " and see the villagers come running to save him and find there was nothing wrong at all. Then the next week a wolf did come. And he screamed for help. And nobody came. And the wolf ate him.

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10
Our users say:
Posted by: Hood Winked | 2012-06-29

Thank You.

I will let her know today.

Regards,
HW.

Reply to Hood Winked
Posted by: kkk | 2012-06-29

I think you are spending time worrying about the wrong things. You are the victim and are handling it as legally as that is possible. And you are being considerate and not telling her when she is having fun somewhere as that would ruin her good time. I think if anything you were wronged and need support not judgements and so forth. If you gf is not able to understand that, then life is way tougher. you guys should just split now for you are gonna face more challanges than this tiny problem.

Bottom line, you are not a liar and have a reason for not telling her now. But when she returns you tell her, if she is your PARTNER, she will be supportive and understanding and possible take out to cheer you out. But if she is a high schooler or some insecure tertiary student dealing with teen issues, then you are on your own sir.

Reply to kkk
Posted by: Hood Winked | 2012-06-29

Guys Please help

Reply to Hood Winked
Posted by: Hood Winked | 2012-06-29

Tanya > > > >  These were ATM withdrawals (Fraud) apparently he has been involved in a syndicate before.

So the police want my bank to let them know where the first transaction took place( this is reagrded as the scene of the crime). Only then will I be able to get a case number, and the bank says that they want a case number from the police.

This ought to take ten working days today is the third day.
And she is on her way back.

Reply to Hood Winked
Posted by: Tanya | 2012-06-29

All sounds fishy to me. If somebody steals from you, you can go and open a case at the Police Station immediately. You do not have to ''wait'' for further action to take place. You cannot delay reporting, laying a charge or opening a case at a Police Station - the sooner done the better : Need I add " for what its worth today" .

Reply to Tanya
Posted by: Linda | 2012-06-29

Show her this letter and see what her reaction is. I sort of not blame her for feeling this way because once a person does something wrong in the previous time they won''t trust you again. Prove in some way this time that you are telling the truth. She''s on holiday now, but call her and tell her now already. Your guilt is eating you. You will have sleepless night if you don''t. You''re scared, but if there is something else in your closet, she will understand eventually.

Reply to Linda
Posted by: Hood Winked | 2012-06-28

@Cybershrink - I know about that little boy.

And that''s why I cannot talk about it yet.

I have called the bank and asked for some form of documentation and not an sms.

This just brings back the past, and it is going to mess things up it''s going to erase all the efforts of the past few weeks.

Reply to Hood Winked
Posted by: HoodWinked | 2012-06-28

Showing her this is not an option, she wont want to see it.

Telling her needs proper timing - I cant tell her just after she got back from holiday - let alone a week or two later.

I keep wanting to tell her whenever we speak over the phone but it is wrong to do that, so I just remind her that I love her and we laugh, soon enough she might pick up the vibe.

I just want to keep the promise that I made to her.

Reply to HoodWinked
Posted by: Anon | 2012-06-28

Hi,

Why don''t you show her this post and all the comments. Surely that should help convince her somehow?

On the otherhand, you can just sit her down and calmly explain what happened and how it is you came to suspect or found about your cousin stealing your money.

Good Luck!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-06-28

A grey matter indeed. very grey. But what can you do but calmly tell her the truth ? A lie will be revealed, in time, and a second lie will indeed probably end the relationship if she is sensible.
Can't someone from the bank confirm that there is a problem being investigated, but that there is an unavoidable delay before you can get a case number ?
Sadly, this situation points to the later problems caused by lying the first time round. It's like the old European story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf ? A boy who was sent out of the village each day to herd the sheep or cows, decided it was fun to cry an alarm of "Wolf ! Wolf! " and see the villagers come running to save him and find there was nothing wrong at all. Then the next week a wolf did come. And he screamed for help. And nobody came. And the wolf ate him.

Reply to cybershrink

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