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Question
Posted by: Missy | 2012/08/14

Trapped

I think I am losing my focus in life, currently I am married to a man who hardly care or show me love and its been happening for more than a year now, I had requested him that we pay focus on our marriage but he cared less, mostly he is never home, if not a work with friends. Somehow I got in touch with an old friend of mine whom we used to date in 1997, but we became good friends after our separation. He also got married and has a daughter unfortunately the wife was killed in a hijacking. Now most of the time I am in touch with this man and we spend time together, considering I am in a marriage, my husband never kisses me or tell me how he loves me, all the words from his mouth are harsh or abusive, he values me less most of the time and that has left me with a big whole of pain and hurt. Now I am finding comfort and joy in this man I used to date. I had intentions of ending my marriage before the end of this year since I was so unhappy and tried everything (this I had in mind before meeting my ex). Now I feel guilty to leave my marriage thinking it will be like I am a cheater and that was not the reason for me to end things, My husband I have different interests in life and we hardly do anything together, we only meet in the house or bed when he needs sex, that pains me. With my hubby since we were married I go to church with my children and he cares less, he would rather sleep or visit friends. I am not comparing the two but I know I want out of the marriage to be on my own, even if this ex of mine is not or won’ t be there. What do I do, I am trapped in a loveless marriage. Whenever I go out to mall, my husband gets angry and counts the clock for me to be back home, and I am always scared that I will anger him, he used to have obsession problems but got better. Yesterday I spoke to my ex and requested him that we stop seeing each other because I need to sort myself out, all I saw on his face was just tears rolling down and he never said a word and said he wishes me well in whatever I decide. Now I need to decide what to do with this marriage I am in.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its so important in life not to enter situations in which you feel someone else's opinion or permission is needed in order for you to feel happy and competent and pleased with yourself.
If your husband is abusive or just unpleasant and unloving, and refuses marriage counselling to try to get things rght, its reasonable for you to consider divorce ( consulting a lawyer to be sure of your rights ) - but not cheating, which will bother you without satisfying what you need. After separation and divorce of course you're free to form a new relationship.
If your husband refuses to contemplate or move twards anything but a loveless marriage, what have you to lose by divorce ? What would you be saving by staying ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/14

Its so important in life not to enter situations in which you feel someone else's opinion or permission is needed in order for you to feel happy and competent and pleased with yourself.
If your husband is abusive or just unpleasant and unloving, and refuses marriage counselling to try to get things rght, its reasonable for you to consider divorce ( consulting a lawyer to be sure of your rights ) - but not cheating, which will bother you without satisfying what you need. After separation and divorce of course you're free to form a new relationship.
If your husband refuses to contemplate or move twards anything but a loveless marriage, what have you to lose by divorce ? What would you be saving by staying ?

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