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Question
Posted by: W | 2008/09/22

Toxic Relationship

I had a 3 1/2 year relationship with a man. He has always preferred to go out with his single friends rather than being with me. he is also very good friends (too close for comfort) with his ex wife. i caught him out sending sms' s to another woman telling her how he loves her and will always love her. When i confronted him about it he said he felt nothing for her and it was just meant in a friendship manner.
He did get physical with me a few times already, and i got a few bruises etc. things changed a bit, and got somewhat better. Three months ago he bought a very expensive engagement ring and i thought, wow at last he' s gonna settle down and stability would be there that i so longed for. Then i got the next surprise. when he got the ring he told me that its locked in the safe and that i have to " earn"  it first and if i dont earn it, the diamond would be a good investment to him. Then he started not greeting me anymore when i saw him at night (we dont live together) i felt something was wrong, he suddenly had started to ignore me. the last couple of times when i wanted to have intercourse with him he jumped out of bed with the excuse that he had a full bladder. this happened twice. then he started setting his alarm clock to go off 10 minutes earlier than mine, to jump out of bed. Every weekend he drinks himself until he passes out. Usually late on a friday night an on saturday afternoons about 4 o' clock and would then sleep till sunday morning. He doesnt wanna do things alone with me. when i suggest we go out for supper, he wants to tag along a buddy. Last week tuesday he vegetated in front of the tv again, so i asked him if we could please switch off the tv and have a talk as i feel something is very wrong between us. He snapped and started yelling at me that he is sick and tired of listening to me and that i am boring. so i asked what the hell am i at his place then. So he said " there' s your car, get in it and f/off"  when i got up, very upset he grabbed me, threw me on the couch and started choking/strangling me. It got bad to the point where i felt he was gonna kill me, so i started kicking and scratching him, he then let go of my throat and grabbed my hand. I have a sprained thumb, a very sore throat still. Been to the doctor for meds.... havent heard from him since tuesday. i know this man is bad news for me, question is how do i deal with this degrading dissapointing feeling of being used for so long. i have no friends and family close by... whats your opinion of all of this????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I can hear, loud and clear, why you have profound doubts about this relationship. What I can't understand is why you have put up with him for so long. Why on earth would you want to stay in any form of relationship to someone who at best treats you with no respect ? And then he became frankly violent and abusive. One way NOT to respond to feeling disappointed by having allowed him to use you for so long, would be to allow it to continue a moment longer. Call POWA, and get good advice on whether to press charges against him. Its lucky you don't live with him --- consider getting a restraining order to forbid him from contacting or approaching you again.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Taps | 2008/09/23

I' m very sorry my sister, but please dont give up, there are good man outside, they pass you and you pass them also but only if you can see through their heart. I' m very jealous man but I treat my wife with respect. Try to speak to your colleagues and friends to spit out the anger inside your heart.

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