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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2012/04/27

Toxic friend?

At what point does one realize a friendship is over and it is time to move on?
I have a long distance opposite sex friend who when we met 5 years ago we got on like a house on fire.I supported him through some very tough times too.However the last while I have noticed that I seem to be doing all the work in the relationship.I sent him an email with my concerns...silence.I have sent a few texts....silence.This " silence"  seems to be happening more and more often, and I find it rude and disrespectful.Am I being oversensitive or is my gut instinct right...its over?

This person is the type that will vanish for weeks after ignoring emails or calls enquiring after them....yet will pop up one day and make out as if all is normal.And when we meet up we have a very good time. As I am a very consistent, stable person, I find this erratic behavior very disconcerting.

I would be very sad to leave the friendship,as we also had a romantic relationship a few years ago...but I never seem to know where I stand....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It would be selfish top respond " When you feel it's over and its no longer worth anything useful for you", but that comes fairly close to it.
( On a quick first reading, I thought you said you had a long distance friendship with a sex fiend, which didn't sound like a good idea at all !)
As you describe it, though, it does sound like a very one-way relationship, rather than a genuine mutually fulfilling friendship.
Maybe he fopund it hard to decide how to respond to your voicing of your concerns, but he definitely owed you a good response. It sounds like he wants this as an occasional fun thing when he feels like it, and as non-existent when he doesn't. Maybe that doesnt suit you. Maybe next time you get together, inctead of sex, it'd be more useful to have a long, calm, discussion of what this relationship is expected to be, by each of you

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/04/27

It would be selfish top respond " When you feel it's over and its no longer worth anything useful for you", but that comes fairly close to it.
( On a quick first reading, I thought you said you had a long distance friendship with a sex fiend, which didn't sound like a good idea at all !)
As you describe it, though, it does sound like a very one-way relationship, rather than a genuine mutually fulfilling friendship.
Maybe he fopund it hard to decide how to respond to your voicing of your concerns, but he definitely owed you a good response. It sounds like he wants this as an occasional fun thing when he feels like it, and as non-existent when he doesn't. Maybe that doesnt suit you. Maybe next time you get together, inctead of sex, it'd be more useful to have a long, calm, discussion of what this relationship is expected to be, by each of you

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