Our expert says:
Loving someone doesn't prevent them from doing unpleasant things, which is why its wise to be cautious about not loving too much, too easily, before you really know the person.
You don't mention what were the "terrible things" your husband did, but presumably this was abusive ; and you mention having gone for couples counselling, apparently without benefit. But it sounds as though your husband did improve, and felt he had sincerely tried to, at least, and that he felt things had improved.
So it swould indeed be shocking for him to discover you were still acting in love with someone else, and not him.
Then you say you don't want to end your marriage " but I can’ t… to scared to face life by myself." which may be highly significant. Doesnt that mean you are using the other guy as a source of romance, and your husband as a source of secirity, being unfair to both of them ?
Surely to be fair to everyone, including yourself, you need to sort out the marriage through further more serious marriage counselling ; and if it cant be sorted out, then have the courage to end the marriage, and be open to possibly exploring a more serious relationship with the other man.
Its not fair to try to have your cake and eat it too.
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