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Question
Posted by: Julie | 2011/06/24

Torn in half

Got married Dec last year, he has a son and i have a son from previous marriages, mine is 7 his is 11. I get along with his son but he seems to have a problem with mine, he keeps telling my child he must stop acting childish and i feel he really doesnt treat my son fairly. Whenever we argue he always disses my son, i am sooo unhappy about this situation i can''t stand the sight of him anymore. I know its just been 6 months but i just feel that i can''t handle another month of his selfish behaviour i want a divorce.
I take his son out with me and miine, i buy him clothes etc i don''t skimp on him at all yet he can t even buy my child a lollipop or anything.
My child is my life, and i will never stand him down for a man. Any solution before i ask him to pack his things and leave?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why not see a family counsellor, together ? For the sake of BOTH children, it is important for you as parents to work this out and adopt a common, shared, pattern of rules and behaviors that treats them both, fairly.
You seem to have rushed into this marriage before you knew each other well enough to make such a decision wisely.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/25

Why not see a family counsellor, together ? For the sake of BOTH children, it is important for you as parents to work this out and adopt a common, shared, pattern of rules and behaviors that treats them both, fairly.
You seem to have rushed into this marriage before you knew each other well enough to make such a decision wisely.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Truth | 2011/06/24

@Julie it may be true that u do not know someone until u live with them.
But you can never know someone well enough in 120 days to choose to live with them.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: W | 2011/06/24

Julie dont blame yourself, just please do what is right for your boy, his only 7 years old an innocent child... You made a mistake by letting this man into his life and its been 6 months too long.

Reply to W
Posted by: Julie | 2011/06/24

@ Laurei i am so sorry that you had to go through all of that really i am. That is why i feel for my child don" t want him growing up with bitter memories. And people you never know someone until you live with them, cos when we were dating he was sweet, loving, kind and then i don''t know what happened something changed, or maybe i just bring out the worse in him.

Reply to Julie
Posted by: Laurei | 2011/06/24

I had a stepdad who acted like he liked me, but in actual fact despised me. He always felt threatened and competed against me (an 8 year old) for my mothers affections. He eventually turned her against me and I hated him for years. He broke my self esteem, belittled me in little ways, made me feel inferior and his children were always priority. I grew up with many issues and a big part of my life had been ruined because of the emotional abuse. Both he and my mother are dead now, but I still live with the bitter memories and struggle everyday to forgive. I am now 38.
This man will damage your boy for life if you let him,.

Reply to Laurei
Posted by: Truth | 2011/06/24

Cher.......
She married someone she knew -/+ 120 days
How can anyone know someone well enough to marry them in such a small amount of time - it is apprent she did not hence the problem!!!!!!!!

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Man | 2011/06/24

You cannot stand the sight of him and he treats your son badly.
What exactly is your question?

Reply to Man
Posted by: CHER | 2011/06/24

helo
Truth you''re talking crap, i think you''re the one who''s not matured here.
a couple can get married anytime they feel they are ready, not because they have been together for longer.

Your hubby is totaly unfair Julie. talk to him about it and if he gets upset when you raise this situation then he''s not your man.

Reply to CHER
Posted by: Asking | 2011/06/24

Have you spoken to your husband? and what does he say?

Reply to Asking
Posted by: ? | 2011/06/24

4 months !!!!!!!! are you joking.
If your son is 7 and you had him at 18 you are at least 25 years old, old enough to take things slowly.
Did nobody tell you this was a recipe for disaster and would end in tears? l cannot belive that you put any thought or planning into your sons wellbeing and was swept up in the excitement of this romance. Divorce is the option now and going forward remember it is not just about you when you have a child.

I suggest therapy to address your rash decsion making and to prioritise your responsibilities in life.

Reply to ?
Posted by: Me | 2011/06/24

Have you spoken to your huband about wht he is doing and they way it makes you and your son feel? If you have, and nothing changing, then I think you need to get out of this before it does untold damage to your son. If not, he will grow up being angry not only at your huband but at you for putting him through this.

If your son really is your life, then MOVE ON........

Reply to Me
Posted by: Truth | 2011/06/24

You had no business marrying this man so quickly, even without a child you wed far too soon.
I see no reason you should not rush out of this situation as fast as you jumped in and divorce asap.
Shame on you - you have only yourself to blame!
You need to grow up and put your son first - a mature stable woman does not marry in four months - heaven knows what u were thinking.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/24

Blood is thicker than water. Move on

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Julie | 2011/06/24

We knew each other for 4 months before we got married, so not very long. Before we got married he said he didn" t want to change the relationship betweeen my son and i but now it is a different story. I do not ask him to be father to my child as he has a father, i work and support my child myself as well. My child has picked up on his crap attitude and has turned nasty towards him as well, the other day he told him to pack his things and leave. This is affecting the relationship between all 3 of us and i do not want to choose, cos i always believe a man is replaceable a child isn''t

Reply to Julie
Posted by: Julie | 2011/06/24

We knew each other for 4 months before we got married, so not very long. Before we got married he said he didn" t want to change the relationship betweeen my son and i but now it is a different story. I do not ask him to be father to my child as he has a father, i work and support my child myself as well. My child has picked up on his crap attitude and has turned nasty towards him as well, the other day he told him to pack his things and leave. This is affecting the relationship between all 3 of us and i do not want to choose, cos i always believe a man is replaceable a child isn''t

Reply to Julie
Posted by: Mommy | 2011/06/24

Your son does not deserve this. And if he really loved you he would love your son too, divorce him.

Reply to Mommy
Posted by: ? | 2011/06/24

How long did your husband know your son before u married?

Reply to ?

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