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Question
Posted by: Mitch | 2010/06/17

Torn apart

I’ ve posted here couple of times before abt a man I met 2 years ago and have very strong feelings for. The first time I saw him I was blown away I felt him very deep inside. I have asked myself what is wrong, why do I have such feelings for this man. You guys has said how can you be in love with someone u don’ t know, that is not love… but what is it? Every time I see this guy my heart starts pounding. When I talk to him I forget about my surroundings, I forget abt husband… it’ s sad but true. It’ s been 2 years and I still feel the same way. 6 months ago I went to his house cause I was curious abt him, still curious. We talked, kissed and had sex. I was blown away. I was in bed the whole week after that. Thinking abt how I feel abt this man and why am I not with him. Now when I have sex with my husband all I think abt is him. Yes my body is there but my mind is always with the other man. I was hoping to forget abt him by now but unfortunately it hasn’ t happened. We are moving to another country in 5 months and I’ m still hoping that one day I will wake up and forget abt him. This guy is haunting me, I like him way too much. I had never experienced such a feeling in my life.
When I met him I was going through a very rough time in my life. My husband wanted a divorce and 3 months after he told me he wants a divorce we found out he was HIV +ve. And he reversed his divorce decision and it was just a lot at a time. I met this man a month after all that. My marriage is been a very challenging one. With my husbands hiv status and that he cheated on me 5 yrs ago. So confused right now abt what I want to do with my marriage. If only this man can say divorce and come be with me I’ ll do it like yesterday. I’ m so afraid of being on my own& #61516 It’ s hard, any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I very much agree with Liza.
Lust it certainly sounds like. And you are indulging in it, almost revelling in it, from the sound of your description, like an alcoholic opening a new bottle of alcohol. You continue to have these feelings because you continue to explore and indulge in them.
CBT would indeed be likely to help you to break this bad habit, both of what you do and what you think. Your husband's cheating is, as you know, no excuse for you cheating on him. Do you know your own HIV status ?
As it sounds as though the other guy is getting all he wants right now, don't hold your breath waiting for a marriage proposal from him.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Mitch | 2010/06/18

Thanks you so much for your respose, I wish I can just switch the feeling off. Yes I know my hiv status and I''m negative. I don''t talk to this man but I do see him once in a while cause he''s in our social circle. Does LUST hang around for this long?

Reply to Mitch
Posted by: Liza | 2010/06/18

" that is not love…  but what is it?"  To put it simply - LUST! It has nothing to do with love, nothing to do with having a successful relationship etc. Acting out on that lust gave you a good experience that you would like to repeat and has caused an obsession. CBT helps immensely with the obsessive thoughts. It''s definitely not healthy or helpful for these thoughts to continue. Are you perhaps also feeling that you can cheat on your husband because he cheated on you? This would show that your marriage needs some serious glue (I always think that therapy is like glue keeping things stuck where they''re supposed to).

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/18

I very much agree with Liza.
Lust it certainly sounds like. And you are indulging in it, almost revelling in it, from the sound of your description, like an alcoholic opening a new bottle of alcohol. You continue to have these feelings because you continue to explore and indulge in them.
CBT would indeed be likely to help you to break this bad habit, both of what you do and what you think. Your husband's cheating is, as you know, no excuse for you cheating on him. Do you know your own HIV status ?
As it sounds as though the other guy is getting all he wants right now, don't hold your breath waiting for a marriage proposal from him.

Reply to cybershrink

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