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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/05/09

Torn

Hello i need a little advice please?

I am in a relationship for a year and a half now, I left my first boyfriend of 4 years for this guy because he gave and showed me love that I didn''t get in the previous relationship. The problem is just that the boyfriend from the first relationship was my " first big love"  and I can''t shake it off, I still have the need to talk with him and I still miss him. In my present relationship, we get along perfectly but had and have a few issues, from my side I couldn''t let go from my previous relationship (lesson learnt: should not have enterred into a new realtionship so suddenly, I think) from his side he was busy getting a divorce and his wife wanted to work things out. My boyfriend also wanted to work things out but I had doubts, so my issues with not being over my ex caused cracks and trust issues in my new relationship, which I could understand. Then I decided to not have contact with my ex anymore and focus all I have on my present relationship, sadly trust isn''t a thing to get back overnight and he kept bringing it up and I kept assuring him nothing was going on and that he was the only man in my life, then his mistrust grew to a point where he didn''t eaven trust me with any guy. So we would have fights (which we never really had before) and every fight became worse than the one before. So one day I ran into my ex, nothing happened we just greeted eacother politely and he asked me for a book of his that I still had (my ex also had a girlfriend and he was very happy as were I) I went home and told my boyfriend which resulted in a fight once more and him telling me rudely I should pack my stuff and leave because he is sick and tired. I didn''t put up that much of a fight because felt sick and tired too, and bad for the hurt I have caused. So we sorted it out and then I started to change, I feel irritated and as if I don''t belong there when I''m at his house, when I am away I miss him but that is also not so strong as it used to be. I don''t feel the need to be intimate with him also? I used to hate the idea of staying at my parents house because it would mean I am away from him, but now I handle it better than I ever dreamed? I still miss my ex and feel as if that is blocking me from being truly dedicated and devoted to my boyfriend, I have also considered depression, I just don''t know what to do I feel so confused it''s like I''m torn between the two?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Unresolved emotions and issues often come back to haunt one in new relationships. From what you are saying you have basic relationship concerns from your previous relationship as well as the new one. I would strongly suggest that you seek the help from a professional psychologist to assist you to come to terms with what you want; feel and how to conduct yourself in a relationship.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Motlalentwa | 2012/05/10

She knows what she wants, her old boyfriend.

Reply to Motlalentwa
Posted by: Anon | 2012/05/09

Thank you!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Sexologist | 2012/05/09

Unresolved emotions and issues often come back to haunt one in new relationships. From what you are saying you have basic relationship concerns from your previous relationship as well as the new one. I would strongly suggest that you seek the help from a professional psychologist to assist you to come to terms with what you want; feel and how to conduct yourself in a relationship.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

Reply to Sexologist

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