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Question
Posted by: Brett | 2011/10/14

Torn

I''m stuck in a love triangle, she says she loves and I love her more than life itself, she has cancelled her wedding, but now she cant leave her fiance, she torn in maybe it would work between us and her love for him. He suspects that she and I have a affair, so we hardly have any contact, she says things like she is bad for me one minute and the next she calls me to hear my voice. I tried to force a answer out of her but she almost completely broke down emotionaly. I love her dearly and I know that my life without her will short lived to say the least. She has become extremely depressed as she and her fiance fight almost constantly. What can I do to make her choose or just make her life easier. I have not had anyone in my life for 7 years i was ready to end it before i met her. She means everything to me but to see and hear she has been broken down is tearing my hart out. he now wants to move away so that we wont ever have any contact again, he fights with her swears at her and still she cant leave him. Please docter please help me

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

True love never involves loving anyone "more than life itself" - that's more like falling in love with the fantasy of being in love, and far from realistic or attainable or healthy. You both sound very immature, and she sounds irresponsible in the way she has been treating her fiancee and you, and highly minipulative of both of you. Triangles NEVER EVER WORK. They're an erotic fantasy.
Your life without her would be much longer and happier and healthier than any attempt to live with her. If it came down to just the pair of you, if the fiancee withdrew, don't imagine for a moment that she'd be any happier or more peaceful with you than she already is with him.
You can't "make her choose" and she's probably rather enjoying this drama with 2 of you stuggling over her. I doubt that she has "become extremely depressed" rather than highly emotional at times, and perhaps aware of how successful that can be as a manipulator of others. SHE HAS NOT BEEN BROKEN DOWN.
Please see a local copunsellor to help you see how broadly destructive and unwholesome this whole affair is, and to gain realism and grow up enough to move on and form a normal relationship with a nice ordinary person who is free to love you back, and not committed to someone else.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/15

True love never involves loving anyone "more than life itself" - that's more like falling in love with the fantasy of being in love, and far from realistic or attainable or healthy. You both sound very immature, and she sounds irresponsible in the way she has been treating her fiancee and you, and highly minipulative of both of you. Triangles NEVER EVER WORK. They're an erotic fantasy.
Your life without her would be much longer and happier and healthier than any attempt to live with her. If it came down to just the pair of you, if the fiancee withdrew, don't imagine for a moment that she'd be any happier or more peaceful with you than she already is with him.
You can't "make her choose" and she's probably rather enjoying this drama with 2 of you stuggling over her. I doubt that she has "become extremely depressed" rather than highly emotional at times, and perhaps aware of how successful that can be as a manipulator of others. SHE HAS NOT BEEN BROKEN DOWN.
Please see a local copunsellor to help you see how broadly destructive and unwholesome this whole affair is, and to gain realism and grow up enough to move on and form a normal relationship with a nice ordinary person who is free to love you back, and not committed to someone else.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/10/14

Neither of you are mature enough 4 a relationship with anyone!
Stop contacting her and get into therapy..........

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: JR | 2011/10/14

If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it''s yours, if it does not, it never was.

Reply to JR

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