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Question
Posted by: newlywed | 2009-11-06

Too shy...

Hi there. I am a 25 yr old female, been married 10 months now.. I have a real problem intiating sex with my husband. I am quite shy and have issues with " putting myself out there"  and being more forward. He in turn feels hurt that i do not intiate it and goes off and keeps himself busy with work. But i find it very hard to be like " free" . If i am " open"  i feel very dirty about myself and i think that has to do with guilt that was induced in me as a child by my parents i think.. Some context, my hubby and I waited for marriage before we had intercourse... I realize that sex is normal, natural and essential to the relationship and i crave to be in a state where i can be myself and be " free"  but i dont know how.. (Not getting any help on the Sexologist forum)... Thank you...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I don't understand any young husband expecting his wife to initiate sex - he should be delighted if and when she does, but to go off and sulk if she doesn't is simply ridiculous.
However, the guilt your parents taught you is unfortunate and limiting to your freedom and pleasure, so seeing a good local counsellor could help greatly to enable you to have a happier mariage. Iy shouldn't take long to achieve this, but there's not a short and simple answer that can be given within this format here !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2009-11-10

Make a little naughty voucher book that you give to your husband, ideas could be (voucher 1) have a bath together, (voucher 2) give him a naked massage, (voucher 3) Cook his favourite meal wearing nothing but an apron. That way you don' t have to initiate anything, but you' ll have to at least try and be receptive. You' ll obviously have to come up with your own fantasies. Read up about tantric massages and study the techniques together. But most important of all, talk to him.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Kelly | 2009-11-09

Yip start by wearing sexy or barely there clothes when you are at home.
Just let go! If you want it go and kiss him then push up on him to make him know that you want it.
Just forget about feeling slutty and be yourself!

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Red | 2009-11-06

Walk around the house naked and let him see you but do it in such a way that it teases him  -)

Good luck!

Reply to Red
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-11-06

I don't understand any young husband expecting his wife to initiate sex - he should be delighted if and when she does, but to go off and sulk if she doesn't is simply ridiculous.
However, the guilt your parents taught you is unfortunate and limiting to your freedom and pleasure, so seeing a good local counsellor could help greatly to enable you to have a happier mariage. Iy shouldn't take long to achieve this, but there's not a short and simple answer that can be given within this format here !

Reply to cybershrink

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