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Question
Posted by: RUN AWAY BRIDE | 2009-10-25

TOO QUICK

If you meet a widower who' s wife passed away 18 months ago and tells you that he is ready to move on, he has got no baggage and want to marry you after knowing you two months, is it possible? Or is he still in denial and moving to quick? I don' t feel the same way and told him I am in no hurry to have a serious relationship and don' t want to give him false hope. He wants a new wife as soon as possible and tells me how lonely he is. I' ve got a full life and don' t want to feel guilty if I am unable to commit at this stage. I also don' t feel any chemistry when I see him. He is making plans to take me out all the time.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Possible, but maybe more likely to be denial. What's his hurry to get married ? Is he in love, or wanting a new bed-partner and housekeeper ? If you feel no chemistry and feel unwilling to commit - don't do so. No reason to feel guilty

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Our users say:
Posted by: concerned | 2009-10-26

i should warn you my mother in law met a man a few months ago, the realtionship is over now, but he had a very similar story. His wife and child had died in a car crash in bloemfontein also about 18 months before meeting her. He said he loved his wife and missed her but also said he was ready to move on. He told the whole family lots of stories about his past.. He had no money because " everything had been frozen" , " he had lost his job" , and " was waiting to get paid out from her life insurance, sell his house" . My mother-in-law supported him for about 2 months aswell. At 45, he convinced her to have another kid and marry him. Luckily thanks to our intervention that was delayed long enough to never happen. He made her pay for train tickets for the two of them from Durban to Bloemfontein so he could sort out his business mentioned above. She was madly inlove and he promised to suport her financially and open a business when he got his money. he even took her to a fertility specialist. When they arrived in Bloem she went to the bathroom and he went to find his " freind"  when she came back all her bags were gone except one, which had all the valuebles removed and he was nowhere insight. With no money and no clue we eventually got her home. He even made repeated attempts to get back into her life and made countless excuses to try and explain away wjat he did. There are many proffessionals like this out there. We dont know what parts of his stories had any truth, but he had EVERYONE under his spell and was even brasen enough to attempt a round 2. Be carefull. Dont rush. Be sure.

Reply to concerned
Posted by: Red | 2009-10-26

Why' re you still with him then?

Reply to Red
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009-10-26

No chemistrry, no hope. Face it, the relationship is dead in the water as far as anything permanent is concerned. He may be rebounding which is understandable under the circumstances, but you have to be very very careful here and not get caught up in a rushed job. As I say if you don' t have those special feelings, either keep the relationship on a pure dating level or if he really irritates you, move on and let him down gently

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-10-26

Possible, but maybe more likely to be denial. What's his hurry to get married ? Is he in love, or wanting a new bed-partner and housekeeper ? If you feel no chemistry and feel unwilling to commit - don't do so. No reason to feel guilty

Reply to cybershrink

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