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Question
Posted by: Stress ball | 2011/10/21

Too much stress with bf

I don''t see my boyfriend that much anymore as he has so much work to do. If think it is absolutely ridiculous that all the others he works with leave work at a normal time while he stays there for hours afterwards. I told him something needs to be done. He can''t carry on running the show like he does. I have not seen him once this week. He called me this morning and he was so angry that he can''t cope with the stress of his work anymore. I don''t know what to say or do to make it better or offer some advice cos nothing works. I asked him he must speak to HR. No business should be run like that. It''s pathetic. He can''t even ask for an afternoon off. Whenever we want to go away there is always a delay. ALWAYS! And they don''t stop phoning during weekends either.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some people, men and women, are like that. Some take their work very seriously indeed, and work longer hours than the company demands of them ; some are for one reason or another, being ridden by their employers, are pressured into working longer hours than usual. Some are happy to work longer, some are not.
If he is being over-stressed at work, by long hours and maybe unreasonable expectations, and pestered by calls at the weekend, then for the sake of his own well-being, he needs to take this up with HR, and maybe a labour lawyer.
But he doesn't need you to add to his pressure complaining that you're not getting enough attention, either. Your message, frankly, makes it sound mainly about you, rather than recognizing that he really needs and deserves some time to himself, as well.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Stress ball | 2011/10/25

As much as I''d like to speak up I feel I am adding to the fire and making things worse. I am there for him but if I don''t see him how am I suppose to be there for him. It is better if I don''t say anything which is why I have used this platform to vent a little bit. You guys are such experts, aren''t you.

What I meant by something needs to be done, is that he should talk to his managers about the situation.

Reply to Stress ball
Posted by: Confused. | 2011/10/24

You say you dont speak up in your last reply - how will he know there is a problem? Or have you told him as stated previously?

Reply to Confused.
Posted by: To stress ball | 2011/10/24

1st post - l told him something neeeds to be done,he cant carry on running the show like he does....
2nd post - not bother him with my feelings EVER......

So which is the real story.......??????

Reply to To stress ball
Posted by: Stress ball | 2011/10/24

I am not clingy at all which is why I don''t speak up. I try my best to ease off the stress that he has and not bother him with my feelings, EVER. I am kind and comforting towards him and I put his needs first before my own.

Reply to Stress ball
Posted by: lee | 2011/10/24

Been there and got the divorce papers to prove it. Some men are workaholics and there is no cure!

Reply to lee
Posted by: :) | 2011/10/23

Hey guys, we getting off topic here. The bottom line is that he is obviously very committed to his work. I don''t think its a thing of choosing to be at work rather than with you. Some people are just like that, as the CyberShrink said. The most you can do is voice your opinions and your concerns. Also remember that a relationship is a 2 way street. You should also respect that he is a hard worker who really wants to succeed in his career. That is not a fault with you or your relationship. He was like this before you two started dating. The point is that you are not happy with the situation, you have told him that and now you work it. You need to compromise a little, give him some time and space and you need to maybe use the time as an opportunity to find something that you are as passionate about. Don''t let a small issue rule the relationship. You can work through it if you willing to....

Reply to :)
Posted by: Woman | 2011/10/22

Um... We were boyfriend and girlfriend before we got married. He''s been doing this for years now (the work thing).

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Man | 2011/10/22

Woman the difference is your man is your husband.
Her is a BF and he chooses to be at work than with her, your man has commited to you in marrage which is more than she has!

Reply to Man
Posted by: Woman | 2011/10/22

I don''t agree with you, Man. My husband is the EXACT same and it annoys me to no end BUT I know it''s not an exit strategy. Stress Ball, I know how you feel- my husband sometimes stays at work 3 hours after the others have gone. I always ask him why does he bother trying to get the work done if the company and employees don''t bother with him. He tells me it''s his pride (he doesn''t want to do a cheap quick job for a client) and it''s the clients- he never knows if a client may be looking for someone like him, someone who''s willing to put in the extra hours and who''s not scared of work. Basically someone who could give him a better opportunity than at his current place of work. Maybe your boyfriend is the same.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Man | 2011/10/21

You sound very clingy and demanding. l think he would rather spend time at work to avoid your needyness. Putting work before you is his way of exiting this relationship, you should read between the lines and move on.

Reply to Man
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/21

Some people, men and women, are like that. Some take their work very seriously indeed, and work longer hours than the company demands of them ; some are for one reason or another, being ridden by their employers, are pressured into working longer hours than usual. Some are happy to work longer, some are not.
If he is being over-stressed at work, by long hours and maybe unreasonable expectations, and pestered by calls at the weekend, then for the sake of his own well-being, he needs to take this up with HR, and maybe a labour lawyer.
But he doesn't need you to add to his pressure complaining that you're not getting enough attention, either. Your message, frankly, makes it sound mainly about you, rather than recognizing that he really needs and deserves some time to himself, as well.

Reply to cybershrink

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