Posted by: anan | 2009-09-08

too much stress

hi i have a sis thats going through a divorce and has no sort of support structure that lives close by except my husband and myself and my kids.
she has been separated for second year now. our parents dont live close by but are in constant contact with us.
dont want to sound self centered but im really stressed,i have a full time job, take care of my fam as well as my sis.
my husband and i never go out as a couple any more, we dont get time, i feel very claustrophobic. we dont get to go out with our friends. i feel like i cant relax and be myself, because of this, i take my anger out on my husband, we fight alot.
im unable to speak to my parents as they rely on me to take care of everything.(fam and sis). i want to be able to go out with friends and stress that she is home alone, depressed, or angry that we went out and didnt invite her.

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Our expert says:
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She should not need excessive amounts of support, and should be considerate of y our own problems and duties. Sit down and calmly discuss this with her, and work out a joint solution. That you will remain accessable to her when there are major crises, but must be enabled to lead your own lives without being completely governed by her own crises. Sis is a big girl now, and should be able to largely take care of herself, without insisting on hand-holding the whole way. She must not expect to be taken along any time you go out, nor to fret if you happen to go out and enjoy yourselves --- this is your life to lead and enjoy. She messed up with this phase of her own, and should be seeing a coujnsellor and working through this, rather than imposing her problems on you

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