Our expert says:
Fortunately, NZ has some excellent shrinks, and it would be useful to see one for an assessment, to see whether any disorder like Depression or a return of some aspect of the Bipolar Disorder may be arising, and need a tweak of your usual treatments, and these should include counselling / psychotherapy to examine the specific issues whih have ben troubling you, rather than solely medication. This would help you get these issues into proportion, and to deal with them proportionately. Don't be scared to speak to a psychiatrist --- they wouldbn't send you home, and any psychiatrist is bound by professional ethical codes to maintain confidentiality. Fearing to speak with a shrink is more likely to be part of this air of paranoia you describe.
Intersting comment, your perception that in NZ nobody needs help. It may be a tidier society, but I'm sure there are those who do need help --- check out local charities and similar groups, who might be pleased if you'd volunteer to assist.
Once you get things back into better order within yourself, as advised above, you might consider persuading your husband to join you in some mariage counselling sessions to ease both of you, who sound a little bit too wound up and prone to guilt
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