Posted by: Zoe | 2009-08-24

Too fast for me...


I have abit of a problem with my bf.
He does everything fast! Like seriously he walks fast, he speaks fast, he thinks fast, he acts fast, he eats fast,
he ...Most importantly he does sex fast.
That is where my problem comes in...He says its just the way he is and has tried to slow things down but that only lasts an hr perhaps and then he goes back to normal.
Then he complains that I' m slow!
I do admits I do take my time to do things, I walk at a steady pace, I really have nowhere to rush too.
I take my time, I' m relaxed and calm.
He on the other hand is the total opposite!
He says its the way he was born and can' t change it.

Now wrt sex I have tried to slow him down by showing him... how I want it, it will happen for a few seconds and then he just goes wild!Now sometimes I do enjoy it but most of the time I do not.
Sex can be over in a few seconds and If I' m lucky 3mins for the most.
He is 28 and I am 23 and for as long as I know him he has been like this.
Well he is satisfied and I' m left wondering what just happened.
I have been with him for 2yrs now and am rather frustrated.
He always wants it but its over even before it starts.

Could he ever change? Is this something that he can control but just does not want to make an effort to change?

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Our expert says:
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People should be very cautious about the argument that "that's just the way I am" as an excuse for not changing. If someone said :" Sorry for the inconvenience, but I'm a serial killer --- that's just the way I am --- and when will your family be arriving home ? " we might not quite accept that as a convincing excuse.
Sounds like whatever the reasons for your bf speeding through the rest of his life, in sex he may well have premature ejaculation. Fortunatelty, with behaviour therapy / CBT, this can usually be fairly easily remedied. Sex isn't a race in which the prizes go to the first one to finish.
He seems too ready wih excuses for no hanging --- surely successful life is about changing what needs to be changed ? He is becoming an expert in selfish sex, which is not admirable. Yes indeed this can be changed --- and then not only would you enjoy it more, but so would he. Get thee to a psychologist !

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Our users say:
Posted by: jojo | 2009-08-27

I used to be done in less than 3 mins too. With me the people that i was involved with didnot complain and i thought it was fine till i met the lady im currently dating. She made me feel her frustration by explaining to me how she is left in suspense and i understood. It was difficult first to adjust and that i did. She needs not less than 30mins of action and am now a willing participant. In a nutshell , ask him to seriously consider yo feelings too

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